


Temporary Wounds

by goldtrashpete



Category: Bandom, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Petekey - Fandom, Petemikey - Fandom, frerard - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Frerard, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-22
Updated: 2015-02-23
Packaged: 2018-03-14 13:34:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 31,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3412550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldtrashpete/pseuds/goldtrashpete
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"In your dreams, you are chasing after someone. A man that your subconscious seems to be telling you is important, someone you must help." Dr. William's continued. "Do you recognize the man in the dream? Do you have any recollection of meeting him?”</p><p>“Yeah, I…” Frank paused again, glancing over to the door, before looking back over to his therapist. “I just met him for the first time yesterday.”</p><p>“You met him, the man from your nightmares?”</p><p>Frank nodded nervously, not sure of what was going to come next. He cleared his throat before speaking, which was less of a need and more of a nervous tick. “He’s your new receptionist,” Williams’s eyes grew wide again in surprise. “And apparently my best friend’s brother.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to take this time to thank the holy fucking shit outta my best friend, Jordan, aka saintwrites, without whom, this story would never have been written let alone finished.
> 
> (Part 1)

“How are you feeling today, Frank?” Dr. Williams’ calm voice broke the silence, watching Frank carefully across the room.

 

“Can’t complain,” Frank’s voice was low and quiet as he shifted on the leather couch across from his therapist. Even after six months of sessions he would rather be bleeding from the eyes than talk openly about his feelings, “Didn’t get diagnosed with cancer or nothing.”

 

“That doesn’t answer my question and you know it.” Dr. Williams was a hard ass with Frank, which was good for him. She always made him talk.

 

“I’m alright,” Frank finally replied, looking down at his hands that were fiddling with a loose string on his jeans, “I had another nightmare last night.”

 

“Tell me about it,” Williams leaned forward, “Was it the same as the others?”

 

Frank took a break from staring at his moving fingers to look up at her and nod. She had this look in her eye like he was about to say the most interesting thing in the world. It made him uncomfortable and insecure, so he glanced away quickly, this time focusing on fixing the slightly rolled up bottom of his t shirt.

 

“Yeah, it was just like the others,” Frank didn’t look up when he spoke; he didn’t want to see that look in her eye. “I’m walking down this hallway in some type of building. Its dark and fucking creepy as shit. Then I see this dark headed man at the end of the hallway—“

 

“How do you know it’s a man?” Williams interrupted, suddenly writing something on the pages of her notebook.

 

“Because his skin is pale, you can see his features, and he’s beautiful…” Frank trailed off, embarrassed by the fact he found some creepy guy in his creepy dream so attractive. Williams made a gesture which he took as encouragement to continue. “So, I start walking after him, trying to ask him questions about where I am. But every time I think I’m getting close to him, he’s far away again. But this time…”

 

Dr. Williams stopped writing at his silence and looked up at him with a curious expression. Frank shot his eyes away the second they met hers. He could have nightmares _from_ this nightmare; it had scared him so much. It wasn’t even that it was scary, it was just something about it that had hit him so hard. He was still shaking from waking up screaming this morning.

 

“Frank, what was different this time? What happened in your dream?” Williams’s voice came out smooth and calmly over the sound of her slowly starting to write again.

 

“I…” Frank took a deep breath, suddenly wishing for that bleeding from the eyes thing to start happening so he could have an excuse to get out of this god forsaken room. “I finally caught up to the guy. This time he was facing away from me and I somehow caught up and grabbed onto his shoulder. He turned around and said…He said ‘save me’.” Frank shivered at the memory.

 

It didn’t seem like it would be something that should have rattled Frank so much, but even from just describing it out loud to Dr. Williams he felt like he desperately needed a cigarette. His foot started tapping anxiously against the soft carpet, barely making a light thud on the ground. Although it only lasted a few seconds, the silence that followed felt to Frank as though it continued for hours. Williams didn’t speak a word; she just continued to write in her notebook uttering a few concerned clucking noises every couple of seconds. Frank suddenly started to feel as though he was being suffocated. Like the walls were starting to close in on him. He needed to get out of there and quickly.

 

“Frank, I—“ Williams stopped what she was saying and looked at Frank with surprise when he was suddenly standing in front of her. He smoothed his shirt with his sweaty palms, looking anywhere but her questioning eyes, finally focusing on the clock behind her.

 

“Time is up.” Frank sighed and finally glanced down at Williams for only a moment. “So, uh, can I go now? Are we finished?”

 

Williams looked almost disappointed in him, like she expected him to stay an extra hour and hash out every single part of the dream with her. She stared at him for a moment before shaking her head and collecting herself as she stood up to meet him face to face. “Yeah, okay, Frank. You can go. I’ll see you next Tuesday _. Don’t forget_.” She gave him a serious look as he nodded back to her and went to leave the room.

 

Frank knew that he was going to have to spend all next session answering questions about what the words in the dream meant to him. Of course, he had no goddamn clue, but that certainly wasn’t going to stop Williams. Frank started to walk through the receptionist’s office, suddenly realizing that he was supposed to meet Ray for coffee in a few minutes. He pulled out his phone as he walked to text Ray and let him know he would be late.

 

Suddenly he was colliding with lots of dark clothing and there were shitloads of paper flying in the air as Frank and another person fell to the floor.

 

“Fuck, I’m sorry.” Frank groaned as he pulled himself forward onto his knees, starting to pick up all the pieces of paper that were on the floor all around him. Frank glanced up to look at who he had carelessly walked into. The guy was wearing all black clothes and was wrapped up in a pile of scarves around his neck. Frank didn’t see a face, but instead saw a messy jumble of black hair covering the guy’s obviously pale skin.

 

“Shit, no, it’s okay. It’s totally my fault.” Frank felt a strong feeling of déjàvu as the other guy spoke. He had a weird feeling as they both stood up, like he should know who this guy was.

 

When they were both finally standing across from each other, Frank watched as the guy brushed away the hair in front of his face, finally showing his features. He almost dropped all the papers that he held in his hands. Frank’s body went cold and he was suddenly perfectly still. It was him. It was the man from Frank’s dream.

 

He was beautiful.

 

\------

 

“Frank, over here!” Frank barely heard the sound of Ray’s call to him from across the street over the loud thoughts going off in his mind.

 

Frank’s run in with the guy from his dreams had been almost surreal. It would have been terrifying, if Frank hadn’t found the guy embarrassingly intoxicating. He ended up talking to him more, finding out that his name was Gerard and that he was Dr. William’s new receptionist. He mentioned something about going to art school part time and something else about a younger brother, Frank didn’t remember all of it. He felt bad about that later, but he had a hard time focusing on anything except for Gerard’s lips moving as they spoke. If he was going to keep seeing him after his sessions, he was going to have to learn how to focus on what those tempting lips were _actually_ saying.

 

“Frank!” Ray screamed louder at Frank, obviously noticing that he wasn’t paying any attention. Frank finally heard his yell and looked up to see Ray sitting at a table outside the coffee shop with another familiar face.

 

“Hey!” Frank yelled back excitedly, rushing toward the table as he realized who was sitting next to Ray. “Mikey! Oh my god, I thought you were across the country, you ass!” Frank saw a sly grin creep across Mikey’s face as they connected and embraced each other.

 

“Well I’m back now,” Mikey said matter of factly, holding Frank tightly for a moment before he pulled away to look at him. “You look like shit, Frank.”

 

“Thanks a lot, dick.” Frank rolled his eyes and walked over to pull Ray in for a hug.

 

“How the fuck are you guys? I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.” Frank sat down at the table, smiling expectantly at both of them. Mikey looked at him with an odd look on his face, almost like he was concerned, before shaking his head and looking down at the coffee in front of him.

 

“I’ve been good, just been out travelling with my brother. Oh!” Mikey suddenly looked up at Frank eagerly, “I forgot to tell you, my brother got a job here in town. He got into this art program at the community college, so it looks like we’ll be staying.”

 

Frank smiled happily back at Mikey before realizing what he had said. His smile faltered a bit. _Did he say art program?_ Suddenly Frank thought back to what Gerard had said about moving here with his younger brother. “Where did your brother get a job?”

 

Mikey had continued talking about some adventure he had had in New York, mainly talking to Ray, so when Frank interrupted him, he looked at him confused. “What, Frank?”

 

“Where did he get a job?” Frank spoke slowly and leaned forward, so that he could hear everything Mikey said.

 

“Who, Gerard? He got some receptionist job for a therapist in town.” Mikey waved his hand, to express his knowledge of the details ended there and turned to keep talking to Ray.

 

 _Of course_. _Mikey’s brother’s name is Gerard. How could I forget that?_ Frank felt like an idiot for not remembering Mikey’s brother’s name. Of course, he had never met Gerard before today. He was always just this big brother that Mikey talked about like he was Jesus Christ or a holy priest or something. It always seemed like he was travelling, so though Frank had known Mikey for many years, the opportunity to meet Gerard just never came up.

 

 _Until now,_ Frank thought to himself. Suddenly the realization hit Frank that he had spent the whole conversation with Gerard thinking about how beautiful he was. _Oh God._

“Frank?” Ray was looking at him with a worried expression on his face. “Frank, are you okay? You look like you just saw a ghost or something.”

 

Frank looked over at Ray as if he had all the answers and words that were needed in this situation. Ray just stared back blankly, unsure of what Frank needed. Frank finally looked back over at Mikey who was staring at him curiously.

 

“Mikey, I met your brother.” Frank finally let out in a small voice, watching as Mikey’s expression turned from curiosity to confusion. “And…and I think I have a thing for him.” Frank cringed and closed his eyes, waiting for Mikey to get mad at him. He figured that having a crush on your best friend’s brother was one of the worst things you could possibly do.

 

After a few moments of silence, Frank cautiously opened his eyes to look at his best friend. Mikey didn’t look mad or grossed out like Frank had expected. The only word to convey the look on Mikey’s face was completely and utterly exasperated.

 

Frank watched him, confused, for a few moments before Mikey let out a dramatic sigh and rolled his eyes. “Of course you do.”

 

\-------

 

Frank wasn’t sure what to expect at all that next Tuesday when he walked into the building for therapy. Mikey had gone on and on for a while about how every person he’d met while traveling had developed a deep fondness to his brother, Gerard. He actually seemed jealous when he said it, if that emotion was even possible for Mikey. Frank had listened politely and threw in a seemingly detached comment every few sentences that he just “liked” Gerard and that “it was probably nothing” and would go away. Of course, he knew that probably wasn’t going to be the case and most likely Mikey knew that as well.

 

So when Frank first walked into the receptionists office twenty minutes early – definitely not so he’d have time to talk to Gerard, at least that’s what he told himself – he wasn’t sure how he would feel at seeing the beautiful face of his best friend’s brother once again.

 

Gerard was sitting at his desk, bent over a piece of paper that his pencil was moving quickly against. Frank assumed it was some type of paper work for Dr. Williams, but when Gerard leaned back, he noticed it was a drawing. He moved over to the desk, interested to finally see some of Gerard’s work. Before he could get a good look, however, Gerard looked up and saw Frank moving towards him.

 

“Frank!” Gerard’s lopsided grin spread across his face as Frank finally made it to the front of his desk. Frank couldn’t help but smile back in return as he stared at the gorgeous face in front of him. _Shit, Mikey’s gonna kill me._

 

“Hey, Gerard.” Frank waved awkwardly, not sure what else he was supposed to do in this situation. Gerard suddenly launched up to his feet to wrap his arms around Frank over the desk, knocking over a few things in the process. When he pulled away from the hug, Frank noticed that Gerard was wrapped up in another long scarf and was wearing mostly black clothing again as well. Frank made a mental note that that look was definitely a new attraction he never knew he had.

 

Gerard started picking up the couple of items that he had knocked over on his desk as he started to speak, his dark hair falling down to cover his face. “So, Mikey informed me that you are the Frank he’s always been talking about. I can’t believe you and I have never met before now,” He picked up a mechanical pencil and clicked it a few times before settling back down in his seat, “He also mentioned you said you have a _thing_ _for me_?” Gerard took this moment to finally look up at Frank with a sly grin on his face.

 

Frank’s eyes practically popped out of his head when he finally realized what Gerard had said. His smile faded into a look of terror and he cut off eye contact with Gerard. _I am so going to fucking kill Mikey_. His mouth dropped open, feeling a total loss of words for the moment. Luckily, he didn’t have to reply at all, as Williams opened the door to call him in for his session.

 

\------

 

“Alright, let’s get started.” Dr. Williams grabbed her notebook and sat down, gesturing to Frank to do the same thing.

 

Frank was still freaking out about his conversation with Gerard. He had no idea what to even do with this situation. All he knew is that he was definitely going to fucking kill Mikey after this. He didn’t realize until he heard Williams say his name that he had been completely spacing out while she was speaking. He looked over at her expectant gaze and put on a fake smile for her.

 

“I’m sorry, what were you saying?” Frank tried to clear his mind, he didn’t want to focus on how in the hell he was supposed to talk to Gerard again after his session.

 

“I was starting to talk about your dream, Frank.” Williams threw a serious look his way before glancing down at her notes from their last session. “Most dreams that involve chasing are of the dreamer being chased by someone else. This usually means that the dreamer is being plagued by something in their own lives, something that they are trying to run away from. However, in your dreams, you are chasing after someone. A man that your subconscious seems to be telling you is important, someone you must help. Do you recognize the man in the dream? Do you have any recollection of meeting him?”

 

Frank hesitated before answering her question. If she had asked this yesterday, he could have said without a doubt that he’d never met the guy before. But now…well now everything was different. The man from his dreams was ironically working in his own therapist’s office. For some reason this was something he didn’t want to let Williams know, but of course he couldn’t just lie straight to her face. He wasn’t that good of a liar.

 

“Yeah, I…” Frank paused again, glancing over to the door that he knew held Gerard on the other side, before looking back over to Williams. “I just met him for the first time yesterday.”

 

Williams had never looked this amazed or interested in something Frank had said. Furiously, she started scratching notes down on her notebook, stopping to look up at Frank like she had something to say before thinking of something else to write down and looking back down. Finally, she looked up at him after being able to somewhat collect herself. “You met him, the man from your nightmares?”

 

Frank nodded nervously, not sure of what was going to come next. He cleared his throat before speaking, which was less of a need and more of a nervous tick. “He’s your new receptionist,” Williams’s eyes grew wide again in surprise. “And apparently my best friend’s brother.”

 

The session continued on with Williams trying to speak slowly and Frank trying his best to focus on what she was actually saying. She mentioned something to him about how it might be best for him to try to develop a relationship with Gerard, so that he could figure out what his mind is trying to tell him. Frank tried not to let out a short laugh when she told him to try to become close with him. _That’s what I’m fucking trying to do._ Of course, this just caused Frank to remember their last conversation all over again and he was suddenly hyperaware that he only had five minutes left of the session.

 

“I want you to start a journal.” Dr. Williams said matter of fact as she closed her notebook, noticing the time.

 

“You want me to what?” Frank looked at her incredulously. He had never written in a journal and he did not want to start now. If not only for the fact that he would never hear the end of it if his friends found out.

 

“Frank, this could help you a lot.” Williams leaned towards him with a determined look. “If you keep a record of all your dreams and conversations with Gerard, you might be able to figure out what your subconscious is trying to tell you. Don’t you want the nightmares to stop, Frank?”

 

Frank stared back at her, completely annoyed. Of course he wanted the goddamn nightmares to stop. He had enough health problems as it was without getting only three hours of sleep a night. Williams just kept staring at him, waiting for him to agree to it. She was definitely persistent, he could say that.

 

Frank let out a loud sigh and rolled his eyes as he got to his feet to leave, “Fuck, alright. I’ll do your dumb journal. Happy?” Williams just gave him an exasperated, but obviously pleased look in reply. She gave him a reminder about his session next week, as usual, and Frank took a deep breath before walking out to his impending doom.

 

\------

 

About an hour after his therapy session, Frank was walking down the hallways of his apartment complex. When he’d left his session, Gerard was nowhere to be found. He had even stood around like an idiot, expecting him to show up eventually with that goofy lopsided grin of his. But after fifteen minutes of feeling like a dope, Frank gave up and headed home.

 

Frank expected an empty apartment when he opened the door, but much to his surprise his roommate was sprawled across the couch, playing his bass. He had met Pete about a year ago when Frank had gone to see his small punk rock band live. They met after the show and had connected instantly after both realizing neither had a place to live. Two months later, they were roommates.

 

“Hey, Pete.” Frank nodded at him as he set his keys down on the end stand by the couch. The apartment smelled like freshly made coffee, which Frank found odd because he couldn’t remember the last time Pete had made coffee.

 

Pete stopped playing his bass to look up at Frank and return his greeting. He sat up to make room on the couch when Frank sunk down next to him. “Mikey stopped by with some weird black haired guy. Said he needed to talk to you.”

 

“They were here? When?” Frank sat up straight, suddenly very interested in every word that was coming out of his roommate’s mouth. _Well that explains why he wasn’t at Dr. Williams’ office._

 

“Just like a half hour ago. I sent them to your room, they’re still in there.” Pete halfheartedly waved his hand, gesturing towards Frank’s bedroom before leaning back and continuing his bass playing.

 

Frank slowly made his way towards his room, slightly worried about why they were both here. Another worrying thought crossed his mind about all the dorky things Gerard could be looking at in his bedroom right now, and he was suddenly very aware that he had left a large pile of dirty laundry that he’d been avoiding washing for a week now.

 

The first thing Frank saw when he opened the door was Mikey sprawled out on his bed with a bored expression on his face. Gerard was curled up on the floor in the corner of the bedroom with one of Frank’s ratty old books in his hands. Frank tried not to swoon at how perfect he looked curled up and in such deep concentration. He couldn’t help to think about how it would feel to see Gerard curled up and reading like that every night by his side.

 

“Frank?” Mikey’s voice broke the silence and Frank realized that he’d been standing and gazing at Gerard for a few minutes now. Gerard glanced up at the sound of Mikey’s voice and met Frank’s eyes.

 

Frank instantly felt embarrassed that Gerard had caught him staring and broke the stare, turning his gaze to Mikey. “Yeah, hey. What are you doing here?”

 

“It’s nice to see you too.” Mikey muttered under his breath as he slid off of Frank’s bed and onto his feet. “We need a place to stay. We got screwed over by the place we were originally moving into. We just need somewhere to crash until we get some money together and find a new place.” Mikey’s hands were in his pockets and he was shifting around on his feet, like he was nervous.

 

“We? Meaning...” Frank glanced over at Gerard, only to stay there for a moment and then quickly looked back to Mikey, afraid he’d get distracted all over again. “..him too?”

 

“What, you don’t want me here?” Gerard’s smooth voice came out sarcastic. Frank had been so used to Gerard’s silence that the sound of his voice almost knocked him off his feet.

 

“No…I-I just…” Frank stumbled over his words, looking between the two brothers. It was nice to know he was able to act so goddamn charming in front of Gerard. He finally let out a sigh. “I didn’t mean that. You guys can totally stay. Stay as long as you guys need. Pete’s barely here anyway, it’s cool.”

 

Mikey looked pleased when he pulled Frank into a hug, whispering thanks in his ear. As Frank pulled his friend tight, he couldn’t help but glance over at Gerard. He looked like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders, like he could finally take a breath and just live. Frank decided he would do anything he could to keep that look on his face.

 

\------

 

Late that night, everyone had gone to bed decently early. Mikey mentioned something about meeting with someone about an apartment in the morning and then passed out on the couch. Gerard had politely declined Frank’s request to take his bed, even though he had insisted he didn’t mind sleeping on the floor. But Gerard refused to take his bed and slept on the floor next to Mikey instead. Frank made a mental note to look at how expensive an air mattress was.

 

It was still pretty early for Frank. These days he ended up staying up as late as he could just so he could escape the nightmares for as long as possible. Frank grabbed an old notebook that he usually used to write songs in and opened to a blank page, settling down onto his bed. _The fuck am I supposed to write in this fucking journal._ He stared at the empty lined paper for a while before giving up and turning it back a few pages to a song he had been working on. He reached over the side of the bed to where his guitar was laying on the floor and picked it up, quietly starting to play. He didn’t want to sound too gross or cheesy, but meeting Gerard had inspired him. Anything Frank had written in the past week had always ended up leading back to Gerard. He let out a deep sigh of frustration, still having no idea what the hell he was going to do about the situation.

 

That was when he heard a knock on the door. Frank stopped playing and looked up cautiously at the door, curious as to who it was. A few moments later the door opened a crack and Gerard’s head popped in.

 

“Shit, was I too loud? I can cut it out. I’m sorry.” Frank set his guitar down and gave Gerard an apologetic look.

 

Gerard shook his head and let himself into the room quickly. “No, you weren’t too loud at all. I just can’t sleep.” He took a step towards Frank, looking at him curiously. “Do you mind if I listen?”

 

Frank had no idea how to reply to that. He never let anyone listen in while he was writing songs; he was very private about his writing process. But on the other hand, he couldn’t deny a chance to have another conversation with Gerard. So he just nodded cautiously and Gerard closed the door behind him and sat on the edge of Frank’s bed. Frank wasn’t exactly sure what to say next, so instead he just started to play again.

 

After a few minutes of playing, Gerard’s lips spread into one of those lopsided grins that Frank loved so much. Frank skipped a beat at seeing the smile, getting distracted and having to start the song all over again. Gerard let out a quiet laugh at Frank’s obvious mess up and scooted closer to him on the bed.

 

“That’s beautiful, Frank. Did you write it?” The grin on Gerard’s face never faltered as he leaned closer to Frank, as if he was trying to capture in as much of the sound he could.

 

“Yeah, I did.” Frank answered, stopping his playing as he spoke. “It’s just a song I’ve been working on for a few days now.” Frank looked down at the pages of his notebook, thankful he hadn’t written any lyrics to the song yet. No doubt it was about Gerard, but Frank didn’t want him seeing those lyrics ever.

 

“Is it about anything or _anyone_ specific?” Gerard’s grin grew wider with his words. Frank’s breath stopped for a moment and he could feel his cheeks beginning to blush a bit. In an effort to get out of the situation he suddenly blurted out, “I need a cigarette,” and headed out through the living room to the balcony.

 

When Frank was safely out on the balcony, he lit a cigarette, instantly regretting running out of that room like a fucking coward. _Pete would give me so much shit for doing that._ He was so frustrated with how he kept feeling about Gerard. He’d never felt this way about anyone. Not to mention, he was still having the creepy ass dreams about the guy. That was just a really fucking confusing way to feel about your best friend’s brother slash therapist’s assistant. He had no idea what he was going to do.

 

Not even five minutes after Frank had lit his cigarette and let his thoughts start blowing up in his mind; Gerard had suddenly appeared behind him. “Can I bum one of those from you?” The voice had come as a whisper over Frank’s shoulder. He turned to see Gerard stepping to lean against the balcony railing next to him. Frank obliged and handed him a cigarette from his pack. He was getting low. He made another mental note to pick up some when he went to check out air mattresses for Gerard.

 

The two of them stood in silence for a while as they smoked their respective cigarettes. It wasn’t the awkward kind of silence though, it was a comfortable kind. Frank enjoyed this kind of silence, where he didn’t feel obligated to think of things to say all the time. Frank glanced over at Gerard, noticing how thoughtful he looked gazing out into the dark sky.

 

“Why did you move back?” Frank spoke quietly, breaking the silence. “You and Mikey, I mean. He made it sound like you were having such a good time. What made you stop travelling?” When Mikey had been telling Frank all of the stories about their travels, he never mentioned their reason for stopping. Frank had asked him once, but he became very distant and didn’t want to talk about it. Frank had dropped it instantly, not wanting to push Mikey too hard.

 

Gerard just sighed heavily in reply and took a long drag of his cigarette, as if he was putting serious thought into the question. Finally, he looked over at Frank with a heavy look. “I got real messed up out on the road, Frankie.” The look Frank had seen before, the look of content, was totally gone from his eyes. Frank ached to see that look return to Gerard’s eyes.

 

“Messed up?” Frank asked, trying his best not to let his voice sound too concerned.

 

“Yeah. I got into some pretty hard stuff. Drugs, gambling, drinking; the whole nine yards. By the end, we barely had any money left and Mikey spent most of the time taking care of me.” Gerard shook his head and looked down at his hands. “It was really bad.”

 

“So, what happened?” Frank edged closer to him, suddenly getting a surge of courage and setting his hand on top of Gerard’s as a gesture of comfort.

 

Gerard glanced over to Frank’s hand on top of his and let a small smile touch his lips before looking up at him. Frank smiled back lightly at him as their eyes met, both of them going silent for a moment. Then, as if Gerard suddenly remembered what he was talking about, the smile faded and he looked back down at his hands. “I hit rock bottom. Almost overdosed on some pills some douche bag had been feeding me. I woke up in the hospital a few days later. Mikey was a total mess. I knew then that I needed to clean up. And, well, here I am.”

 

Gerard looked back up at Frank with a smile that didn’t seem totally genuine before looking away again. Frank moved the hand that was on top of Gerard’s to touch his shoulder, not sure how else to console him. Gerard looked back at Frank, meeting his eyes this time. Frank’s heart was in total anguish, looking at how sad Gerard was and wishing he could somehow help.

 

He took a step forward, thinking maybe a hug would be better than nothing. Apparently, Gerard had something else in mind and Frank realized that what was originally meant as a hug was starting to become something much more intimate. Gerard reached a hand out to touch Frank’s face, taking a step forward to close the distance between them even more. Frank’s hand that had been on Gerard’s shoulder for comfort fell to his side.

 

He was suddenly completely unaware of what to do in the situation. He had no idea whether what was about to happen was going to ruin everything or whether it was right or wrong. He didn’t know any of that. Frank just knew what he wanted more than anything was for his lips to be against Gerard’s. With that thought, he had a surge of determination and closed the rest of the distance between them. Their lips were just about to collide when they heard a voice from the apartment behind them.

 

“Guys?” It was Mikey. He had obviously woken up and started looking for them.

 

Gerard and Frank both jumped away from each other so quickly that Frank was surprised they both didn’t fall right off the sides of the balcony. They looked at each other quickly then both looked away awkwardly. Mikey walked out onto the balcony a few moments later without any clue of what had almost happened a few minutes earlier.

 

“You guys are still awake?” Mikey said sleepily, the last word turning into a long yawn.

 

Frank shook his head and looked down at his feet, completely embarrassed and disappointed with what had happened. _Or not_. “I was just going to bed.” And with that he walked past Mikey, not even glancing up at Gerard, and walked to his room.

 

Frank didn’t even want to think about what had almost happened for even a second longer, so he shut the door behind him and shut off the lights, passing out the instant his head hit his pillow.

 

\------

 

_It was dark, wherever Frank was. He could barely see a foot in front of him as he took a few steps forward. Reaching his hands out in front of him, he suddenly felt the wood of a door. Frank turned the knob to a hallway with dim lighting that cast shadows across the walls. He almost preferred the pitch black room._

_Frank looked around as he started down the hallway, not seeing anything or anyone around him. He didn’t know where he was, but he definitely knew that he did not feel safe there. He just wanted to get out of this place. Frank started moving quickly to the end of the hallway, turning left when he got to the end, just to be looking down another dark hallway._

_But there was someone at the end of this hallway. The man at the end of the hallway was dressed in all dark; his pale skin was the only thing that even made him visible to Frank. Frank suddenly had a feeling like he recognized the man at the end of the hallway, like he knew him somehow. He decided he needed to see him closer, so he started walking towards him.  But when Frank got to the end of the hallway, the man was gone._

_Frank looked to his right to see another long hallway, the man standing at the end of this one again. But this time, his back was turned. Frank couldn’t see his face. Heading down the corridor quickly, Frank felt a sudden sense of urgency and quickened his pace. This time the man was still there when he made it to the end of the hall. He touched the man’s shoulder and watched as he turned to face him._

_“Save me, Frank.” Gerard’s voice sent a chill down Frank’s spine. He sounded so terrified it made Frank’s heart ache. He reached towards Gerard’s face, touching his cheek. His skin was so cold. When Frank pulled his hand away, he felt an odd feeling on his skin. It was blood. There was blood on his hands._

_Suddenly Gerard’s eyes were bleeding and he was reaching for Frank. Frank tried to scream out his name, but nothing came out. So he held out his hand to grab onto the man in front of him, but before he could Gerard dropped to the floor._

_Frank tried again to scream out his name, but there was no sound coming out of his mouth. He dropped to his knees next to Gerard, grabbing his hand in his own as his jeans soak with blood. Gerard’s eyes were growing wide with fear and he let out a whisper, pulling Frank closer._

_“Frank..” Gerard’s voice trailed off and suddenly he was still, not even a single breath escaping his lips. Frank tried for a last time to scream out, but failed once again._

_Gerard was dead._

 

Frank woke up with a loud gasp, lurching forward upright in his bed. He felt extremely cold, but his body was soaked with sweat. It was pitch black in his room and he felt like he was going to throw up.

 

Frank’s first instinct was to run out his room to see if Gerard was alright, but after glancing at his alarm clock which read 4:56am in bright red numbers, he decided that wouldn’t be the greatest idea. Gerard would be awake in a few hours and Frank could see him then.

 

 

Gerard had died and Frank had never felt more dread and terror in his entire life. He knew it was a dream now, but he never wanted to feel that way ever again. _I wish I knew what these dreams fucking meant._ Frank had no idea what his brain was trying to tell him, but he knew he needed to figure it out. And soon.

 

\------

 

The next morning everyone was moving around the apartment. Frank had attempted to wake up earlier than everyone else so that he didn’t have to have an awkward run in with Gerard, but he had woken everyone up when he had tripped over the carpet in the living room. Now, Frank sat across the kitchen table from Gerard as Mikey and Pete argued about something in the next room over.

 

“No, you don’t understand. That was never the point of the movie, dipshit!” Pete’s irritated voice grated at Frank’s brain. He had gotten barely any sleep last night before being attacked by yet another nightmare. This dream had been new and even worse than the last one.

 

Neither Frank nor Gerard had spoken a word to each other since they had almost kissed last night. Even now, when they were the only ones in the kitchen, they both leaned over their breakfast silently. Not even looking at each other. God, did Frank want to look at him though. He wanted nothing more than to grab Gerard from across the table and finish what they had started last night. _Control yourself._ Frank took a deep breath, trying to calm his thoughts as he took a sip of his coffee.

 

“How’d you sleep?” Gerard’s voice was quiet, but it was like hearing the sound of a finely tuned guitar. His voice was beautiful.

 

“Okay. Kind of badly, actually.” Frank replied honestly, glancing up cautiously across the table. He just needed to see Gerard’s eyes, that’s all he wanted.

 

“Bad dreams?” Gerard finally looked up and met Frank’s gaze. His lips spread into a small, comforting smile.

 

Frank nodded in reply, not really wanting to talk about the dreams with the person who had a staring role in them. He returned Gerard’s smile and then opened his mouth to speak, but quickly changed his mind and looked down instead.

 

“Frank, I...” Gerard spoke more urgently, as if he was about to say something important, and Frank looked back up him. Of course, Frank didn’t get to hear him finish because right at that moment Mikey and Pete walked into the kitchen.

 

“No, _listen,_ Mikey. The point of the movie was to ask if we are just a sum of a bunch of memories piled up or if we’re more than that. If we can just delete a memory from our brain, will it really just be that easy to just move on without that memory? No. The answer is no. And _that_ is the point of the movie.” Pete was a really calm guy, but once you got him started about Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind, you couldn’t shut him up. It was something that Frank had learned in the very first week of living with him.

 

“Whatever, man. Whatever you say.” Mikey brushed him off with a wave of his hand and walked over to the counter to get some coffee. Pete just sighed and grabbed a chair to sit down at the table with Frank and Gerard.

 

“So what’s going on with you two?” Pete grinned and glanced over at Frank and then turned his gaze to Gerard. “Looks like he told you about his big crush on you.”

 

“Shut the fuck up, dude. What the hell?” Frank got up from his seat angrily and turned to walk to his room. Mikey was trying his best not to laugh as Frank passed him. Frank shot him a dark look. “Shut the fuck up, I’m still mad at you for telling him last week.”

 

Frank didn’t even want to look at Gerard’s face, afraid of what his reaction to all of this was. So he just walked to his room, slamming the door behind him. _This is so stupid. I’m actually hiding from him right now._ Frank turned, ready to walk back out the door to face his friends, but he never got a chance because at that moment Gerard was walking through the door.

 

“Okay listen.” Frank spoke urgently as Gerard closed the door, wanting to get the first word in. “I don’t have a crush on you.” Gerard raised an eyebrow at him.

 

“Really? That kiss last night says different.” Gerard gave Frank one of his lopsided grins and stepped towards Frank.

 

Frank stepped back as Gerard moved forward, the back of his legs meeting his bed. He was worried what he might do if Gerard got any closer. “We didn’t kiss, Gerard. We almost did. It didn’t count.”

 

Gerard paused for a second, like he was trying to decide his next move, but then took a large step forward to close the space between them. Frank’s entire body was starting the tingle. Having Gerard that close to him was almost impossible to handle. Gerard met his eyes, actually looking a bit nervous, and leaned his head towards Frank’s. Franks could feel his heart beating quickly through every muscle in his body. Gerard moved even closer, moving his lips close to Frank’s ears, his voice coming out in only a whisper. “You wanna make it count?”

 

Frank’s heart felt like it was about to explode right through his chest. He found himself meeting with the same feeling as last night that he didn’t know what was right, he just knew what he wanted in that moment. Before he even knew what he was doing, their lips were pressed together and his arms were grasping Gerard’s waist.

 

It was like nothing Frank had ever experienced. It’s not like Frank had never kissed someone, he was actually very experienced and used to go through guys like nobody’s business. But this was different. This was new. There was a strong desperation in the way Gerard pressed his body against his, and Frank could not be eager enough to pull their bodies as close together as possible. After a few minutes of eager kisses, Frank used the hands pressed on Gerard’s waist to lead him around to the side of the bed, letting out a soft moan as their bodies moved against each other.

 

“Wait what- _mmph_ “ Gerard tried to speak between kisses, but Frank didn’t give him time to finish his sentence before pressing together their lips passionately. Frank knew he was going to say something that he didn’t want to hear. He moved his hands to Gerard’s neck, using one to cup his cheek. Frank was amazed at how smooth his skin was, he was even more amazed by how amazing it felt to be touching him. He pressed himself against Gerard’s body more, attempting to make him lay back on the bed.

 

That was when Gerard suddenly broke away from the kiss, placing his hands on Frank’s shoulder and moving him away an inch. “Frank. Wait. Stop.” He spoke in short breaths, hesitating for a moment. Frank took a step back, suddenly feeling very self conscious. Gerard must have noticed the look on his face, because he instantly gave Frank an apologetic look in reply.

 

“Frank, no, It’s not that I don’t…” Gerard took a step towards Frank, reaching out for his hand, but Frank quickly wrapped his arms around his body. Gerard looked disappointed, dropping his hands to his sides.

 

“Whatever, it’s fine.” Frank spoke quickly.

 

“Frank, I don’t want to hurt you.” Gerard cautiously moved forward towards Frank.

 

“Hurt me? How in the world are you going to hurt me? Planning on chopping me up and dumping me in a river at some point?” Frank let out in an irritate tone. He was starting to regret this whole thing.

 

“What- no, Frank. I mean, I..” Gerard took a deep breath before speaking again. “I’m messed up, Frank. I mean, I told you about all the things that happened on the road. I don’t want to pull you in to that shit. You barely even know me, you don’t need that.” Gerard ran his hands through his hair, visibly frustrated.

 

“What? Am I supposed to be scared? Now that I know all about your messy background, that’s suddenly supposed to change the fact that I can’t stop fucking thinking about you?” Frank moved forward a step towards Gerard. “Well too bad. I’ve been trying to stop thinking about you ever since I fucking met you. If I can’t stop myself, then your back story isn’t going to do it either.” Frank was breathing heavily, frustrated with the whole situation. _How the fuck did I even get here?_ If he didn’t know what the right thing to do was before, he sure as hell didn’t know now.

 

“Frank…” Gerard’s hard eyes instantly melted, looking almost relieved at Frank’s words. He took another step towards Frank, closing the distance between them. Frank met his eyes as Gerard repeated his name, this time only coming out as a whisper.

 

And like clockwork, there was a knock at the door, just in time to ruin the moment. Frank held Gerard’s gaze as he spoke. “What the hell do you want?”  He just wanted whoever it was to leave him alone. He wanted to keep talking to Gerard, and to keep kissing him and touching him. All he wanted was Gerard.

 

“Your mom is on the phone, jackass.” Pete’s voice replied angrily and Frank cursed under his breath. The corners of Gerard’s lips twitched, like he was trying not to smile. Frank hesitated a moment before reluctantly tearing his gaze away and walking out of his room.

 

\-----

 

After his phone call with his mom, Frank realized if he didn’t start getting ready for work, he was most definitely going to be late for his first client. He rushed back to his room to change, pausing only a moment when he saw that Gerard was still in his room, sprawled across the bed. A sudden urge to kiss him again crossed Frank’s mind, but he knew he didn’t have time for that, so he just shook his head and moved to his dresser to change for work.

 

“Have to go somewhere?” Gerard spoke softly as Frank heard him slide off the bed, the springs creaking a bit as he moved.

 

“Work, Gerard. I have to actually work to pay for the fucking apartment you’re crashing in.” Frank was suddenly aware the Gerard was right behind him. His skin practically vibrated off his body at the feeling of being this close to him. Frank took a deep breath and moved to take off his shirt before grabbing a new one.

 

“What do you even do?” Gerard’s voice was right in Frank’s ear, almost making him jump in surprise at how close he was. Frank could feel his warm breath on his neck as he spoke behind him. “Mikey never told me what your job is.”

 

Frank felt like his head was about to explode. And it only got worse when he felt Gerard’s fingers start to light move across the bare skin of Frank’s back. His skin burned wherever Gerard’s touched. It was very distracting.

 

“I’m a dog walker.” Frank slipped away from Gerard’s touch, slipping on the clean shirt and then grabbing a sweatshirt to throw over top.

 

“You walk dogs?” Gerard’s lips spread into one of his big lopsided grins. “That’s so cute!”

 

Frank rolled his eyes as he pulled on clean jeans, secretly thanking his mom for finding him the dog walking gig three years ago. He loved getting to spend all of his time with dogs, and he loved the look that Gerard was giving him right now even more.

 

“Yeah, I’m just adorable.” Frank said in a sarcastic tone as he walked out of his room towards the living room to grab the rest of his things.

 

Gerard followed quickly after him, mentioning something about a childhood dog that he and Mikey had grown up. He spoke so quickly Frank could barely understood what he said, but he was just happy to be listening to Gerard’s voice. He glanced at his watch again to see that he needed to leave right now if he wanted to be on time for his first client. He grabbed his wallet and keys, stuffing them into his pockets before turning to face Gerard.

“Gerard.” Frank interrupted his story about another dog that an old roommate had had or something. Gerard broke off his sentence and met Frank’s eyes with a questioning look. “I have to go or I’ll be late.”

 

Gerard broke their gaze and looked away, almost disappointed, then a bright look spread across his face and he looked back at Frank with excited eyes. “Can I come with you?”

 

The grin that was spread across Gerard’s face was impossible to say no to and even more impossible to not smile back at. Frank lips curled into a small smile in return. “Don’t you have classes or something?”

 

Gerard’s smile faltered for a moment, almost as if he had forgotten about his art program all together. “Yeah, I do. But not for a few more hours.”

 

Frank smiled and replied with an “of course you can come” and then turned to leave the door just as Mikey walked into the living room. Frank paused when he saw him, debating whether he should even say anything. “Can I talk to you when I get home, Mikey?”

 

Mikey gave him a confused look, but agreed to it before saying his goodbyes to both of them. With that Frank and Gerard headed out of the apartment building and started walking towards Frank’s first client’s home. He was lucky this client was only a few blocks away from his own apartment; otherwise he would have some explaining to do for his lateness.

 

Gerard and Frank walked next to each other in silence at first, only speaking apologies when they bumped shoulders or touched hands by accident. Frank wasn’t exactly sure why Gerard had even wanted to join him, though he was sure it had more to do with the dogs and less to do with Frank.

 

“So…” Gerard broke the silence with a shaky voice and Frank instantly knew he was about to bring up something that he didn’t want to talk about. “Do you want to –uh- talk about what happened this morning?”

 

Frank sighed and stayed silent for a moment, not even sure how he wanted to reply. He didn’t know how to feel about what had happened this morning. Obviously the kissing had been fucking wonderful, but he didn’t know what it meant. He didn’t know what any of it meant. And all he could think about what how guilty he felt kissing Gerard without even talking to Mikey first. Frank felt like he has betrayed his best friend. It was Mikey’s brother after all. Frank wasn’t even sure if he would approve of it.

 

“I think I need to talk to Mikey first.” Frank looked down at his feet as he spoke, paying attention to where he was walking. He didn’t want to see Gerard’s face, he felt like he was betraying him too, but he didn’t even understand why. This is such a fucked up situation. _Why did I do this to myself?_ Frank made a mental note to definitely take a good look at his screwed up choices in life.

 

“Oh…alright.” Gerard replied quietly, making the silence even more awkward than it had been before. Frank felt like he should say something, like he should explain. But he didn’t get the chance because right at that moment, they made it to his first client’s house.

 

 

\------

 

The next few hours of Frank’s job consisted of picking up the few first dogs of his work day while Gerard bounced happily behind him, letting out a giddy shriek every time he got to meet a new dog. When Frank had walked out with the third client’s dog, Max, who was a small pug, Gerard instantly made sure it was known that he was his favorite of all the dogs. Frank had just laughed softly and continued to walk all three of the dogs while simultaneously trying to keep himself from imagining what it’d be like to own a pug like Max with Gerard.

 

About a half hour after picking up Max the pug, it was time to return the first client’s dog. Gerard had to leave for his first class, so the two said their goodbyes with a slightly awkward hug. Frank made a mental note to make sure never to have an awkward hug with Gerard again, he didn’t like it.

 

Gerard started walking away towards the campus but suddenly turned and called after Frank. “Take your time, Frank. Don’t rush anything, okay?” Frank nodded and gave him a small smile before turning away and heading down the street with all three dogs following suit.

 

Three hours later, Frank was unlocking his front door to find Mikey sitting on his couch with a frustrated look on his face. “Hey, Mikey.” Frank spoke softly, waving a hand in front of his face when he didn’t move to look at him. Mikey looked up at the movement and gave Frank a short smile.

 

“Frankie. How was your day?” Something was wrong and Frank knew it, but he could tell from the look on Mikey’s face that it was not something that he wanted to talk about, so Frank brushed it off. Mikey would come to him when he was ready, he always did.

 

“It was good. Your brother went ape shit at my dogs.” Frank laughed and dropped onto the couch next to Mikey, letting out a sigh of relief from finally getting to sit down. Mikey laughed in reply, but didn’t say anything more. Frank was suddenly regretting wanting to bring up anything about him and Gerard when Mikey seemed so upset, but he knew he couldn’t put it off any longer, so he brought it up anyway. “Mikey…can I talk to you about something?”

 

“Is this what you said you wanted to talk to me about this morning?” Mikey eyes had a curious look in them, which made Frank even more nervous about the subject. Frank just simply nodded in reply, looking away from Mikey’s eyes and down at his own hands. “If it’s about my brother, I’m going to kill you.”

 

Frank tried not to blush as he looked up at his best friend in surprise. _Oh god, he knows, doesn’t he?_ He looked at Mikey, searching for some sign of knowledge about what Frank was going to tell him. But when he didn’t find anything, he looked back down and mumbled out a reply. “Never mind, I guess.”

 

Mikey let out a deep sigh, letting his head fall back on the couch. Frank glanced up to see him staring at the ceiling with the same frustrated look on his face as before. “Fine, Frank, tell me about your fucking Gerard problems.”

 

“Nah, it’s fine.” Frank said offhandedly, trying to sound as careless as possible. “You don’t want to talk about it, it’s no big deal.”

 

Mikey lifted his head to look at Frank with an even more frustrated expression on his face. He let out another one of his deep sighs. “For fucks sakes, just speak, Frank.”

 

Frank replied with a worried look, still not sure how he was going to react to everything. He could barely even look at Mikey while saying it, so he looked back down at his hands. “Me and Gerard….” He trailed off, fear making it almost impossible to finished the sentence, but Mikey made an annoyed grunt at him, so he reluctantly continued. “We kissed.” He lifted his gaze to look at Mikey sheepishly.

 

Mikey’s frustrated look suddenly twisted, moving through several very clear emotions. It started with total disbelief and ended with a look that Frank could only interpret as anger. “ _You kissed my brother_?” Mikey screamed incredulously, lifting himself off the couch to stand over him. Frank suddenly felt very small next to his friend.

 

He had known that Mikey would probably be disappointed with him, that he hadn’t talked to him first before making a move on Gerard. But what Frank had definitely not seen coming was the pure outrage that was radiating from Mikey. Frank wasn’t even sure what to say at this point, he was so caught off guard by his backlash. He just knew that he suddenly felt extremely guilty, even if he wasn’t sure what about yet.

 

“Actually we kinda, uh…” Frank regretted speaking the instance he started after seeing Mikey’s eyes start to bulge even further out of his skull. “Made out.” This time Mikey didn’t even give Frank a response, he just suddenly got very calm and then stormed off onto the balcony, slamming the glass door shut behind him.

 

Frank just sat in completely silence for a few minutes, having absolutely no idea what to even do from this point on. _What the fuck was that?_ _What happened?_ He continued to sit in silence, partly hoping that Mikey would come back and fucking explain himself. But after twenty minutes had passed with no sign of Mikey, Frank sighed and collapsed onto the couch, stretching out his legs so that he was lying down. He was suddenly exhausted.

 

“What the fuck just happened out here?” Pete spoke from behind the couch, leaning over to look at Frank who had been just about to pass out. “I just heard Mikey screaming about something and then total silence.”

 

Frank closed his eyes, replaying it in his head. _I don’t understand._ He let out a sigh and muttered a reply to Pete. “I kissed Gerard. Mikey totally freaked when I told him.” He brought his hands to his face in distress, letting out a frustrated groan.

 

“Wait, you kissed Gerard?” Pete spoke, his voice full of disbelief, before letting out a sympathetic hissing noise. “That’s not good.”

 

Frank dropped his hands from his face and sat up to meet Pete’s face, confused and intrigued all at the same time. “What do you mean?”

 

Pete raised an eyebrow at him. “Of course Mikey is going to be jealous of Gerard kissing you, dude.” He looked at Frank as though he should know what the hell the guy was talking about.

 

“Pete.” Frank slid off of the couch and walked over to where Pete was standing, giving him a completely clueless look. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

 

Pete let out an apprehensive laugh, hesitating before speaking anything else. Frank just stared at him, waiting for him to speak, and still totally clueless as to what was going on.

 

“Dude. Mikey has a thing for you.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m so confused, Ray.”
> 
> “You’ll figure it out soon, Frankie. You always do.” Ray’s calming voice was all the assurance he needed. Frank always felt better after talking to him about stuff.
> 
> They sat there in silence for bit; the only sound breaking the quiet was the low humming of Pete tuning his bass. It was a comfortable silence, not one of those kinds where you were counting the seconds and hoping to God it would end.
> 
> “Do you ever think of putting your hair in braids?” Frank decided to say, staying true to his asshole self.
> 
> “Oh, fuck you, dickhead.” Ray said, attempting and failing to hide the grin spreading across his face. He removed his arm from around Frank’s shoulder, shoving him away. “Way to ruin a good moment.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo. There be some fuckin smut in this, you guys better enjoy it. I had to endure doing it and disappointing my religious parents by writing it so enjoy.

Frank had walked back to his room, totally incredulous. _Mikey has a thing for me? Since when? And why?_ Pete had given him a few confusing explanations about how it was totally obvious and he didn’t know how Frank hadn’t see that Mikey was in love with him. There was an odd pain behind Pete’s eyes as he spoke, but Frank was preoccupied so he hadn’t focused too much on it.

 

Frank slammed his door behind him, starting to pace back and forth. He was completely clueless as to what he was even supposed to do next. He didn’t even understand how he couldn’t have _noticed_. Was he that hung up on himself and on Gerard that he didn’t even notice his own best friend had feelings for him?

 

Unable to come up with any solution to his problem and feeling completely defeated, Frank finally collapsed onto his bed. All of this new information on top of the situation with Gerard was mixing badly with his total lack of sleep and he was totally exhausted.

 

He had only been asleep for a short time when he heard the porch door open. Frank sat up quickly, feeling a bit dizzy from the fast movement, and walked out to the living room to find Mikey standing, looking totally defeated. Frank hadn’t seen that look in his eyes in a long time, not since his grandma had died.

 

“Mikey…” Frank spoke softly, but trailed off, unsure of what he could even say. Mikey wasn’t even looking at him, but it was evident that he knew Frank was there in the way his whole body looked tense and defensive. Like he was waiting for an attack. Frank hated seeing him like this. He hated being the cause of it.

 

“Please don’t.” Mikey’s voice was soft, but rough, almost as if— _he was crying_. He still wouldn’t look at Frank, but he was almost glad he wouldn’t. He didn’t want to see the look in Mikey’s eyes.

 

“Don’t do what?” Frank took a step closer, slowly, not wanting to upset Mikey anymore than he already had. Mikey suddenly looked up at Frank, anger evident in his eyes.

 

“Don’t look at me like you’re fucking sorry for me, Frank. So _what?_ I like you, alright! I have a big stupid crush on my best friend, I admit it. But I don’t need you to feel _sorry_ for me.” Mikey had taken a step toward Frank with his anger, his body still tense and defensive but in more of an anger filled way.

 

“I…don’t..” Frank’s voice came out quiet and confused, barely recognizing the angry person in front of him. He took a deep sigh, making his voice come out stronger. “I don’t feel sorry for you, Mikey. I just didn’t _know_. You never even tried to fucking tell me!”

 

“Why would I tell you, Frank?” Mikey screamed out, even more angry that before. “It’s not like anything could happen. It’s not like it was _going_ anywhere.” He took a deep breath, looking away from Frank and running his hands through his hair in frustration.

 

“Then why do you even like me, Mikey?” Frank wanted an answer to this more than anything. He didn’t _understand_. He needed to understand. Mikey looked back at Frank, sadness replacing the anger in his eyes.

 

“You of all people know that we can’t choose who we like.” Mikey spoke calmly and softly. He took another deep breath and cautiously moved closer to Frank. He opened his mouth to speak again, but was interrupted by the sound of the front door opening.

 

“Hey guys!” Both Frank and Mikey jumped as Gerard’s happy voice carried through the room. Frank sighed and broke his stare with Mikey, for once not 100% happy to see Gerard.

 

“What’s up? The air is full up with tension in here.” Gerard walked over towards the two still completely silent friends. “Guys?” Mikey finally broke his gaze at Frank and looked up at Gerard with a half smile that was barely believable.

 

“Nothing. Frank and I were just having a disagreement about something stupid. It’s nothing.” He let out another small smile at Gerard and moved away from Frank.

 

“Okay, whatever you say, Mikey.” It was obvious that Gerard didn’t really believe him, but Frank knew how close they were, Gerard probably figured they would talk about it later. Frank could feel Gerard as he walked up behind him.

 

This was the absolute worst time to start getting all hot and heavy over proximity to Gerard, and yet here he was. Of course Gerard did not help at all when he started running a finger down Frank’s back. Frank let out sigh, fighting a war in his head between his conflicting feelings. Mikey obviously didn’t notice anything, his face stayed in the same sad position. Guilt filled Frank as he looked at his friend’s somber expression and took a step forward, away from Gerard’s hand.

 

When Frank turned, Gerard looked almost offended. He looked at Frank with a confused look before walking away grumpily, heading into Frank’s room. Frank stood in silence with Mikey for a moment, unsure of what he should do next. Mikey wouldn’t even look at him and Frank took that as a confirmation to his suspicions that he wasn’t going to get any more out him. He sighed, hesitating for a moment, and then headed to his bedroom for yet another unwanted discussion.

 

\------

 

“What the fuck is going on, Frank?” Gerard seemed more curious than upset as Frank shut the bedroom door behind them. He was exhausted from his unfinished fight with Mikey, the last thing he wanted to do was fight with Gerard.

 

“I told Mikey about us…” Frank trailed off, not wanting to even finish what he was going to say. Gerard stared at him, waiting for him to finish, his expression growing more upset as he waited. Frank let out a sigh in defeat. “He got really upset. Apparently he has a thing for me.”

 

“He has a _what_ for you?” Gerard eyes were practically popping out of his skull. He took a step back from Frank, as if he was being repelled from him.

 

“Gerard, he..he likes me. He never talked to you about it?” Frank was amazed that Gerard didn’t even know. The two brothers talked about everything and they barely even left each other side’s. The fact that Mikey had kept this from him was actually unbelievable.

 

“No, he didn’t fucking tell me!” Gerard looked away from Frank, running his hands through his hair like he always did when he was upset. There was a sudden change in his expression and he brought a hand to his mouth, as though he was suddenly realizing something. “Oh..oh god.”

 

“What, Gerard? What is it?” Frank grew wary at Gerard’s expression. He looked as though he had seen a ghost. Frank took a step towards him, reaching out a hand, but before he could touch him Gerard pushed his hand away.

 

“We can’t. We can’t _ever_. Don’t you understand what I did to him?” Gerard was looking right into Frank’s eyes now with a terrified look that quickly turned to complete anguish. Frank didn’t understand what he was talking about. Gerard must have seen the cluelessness in Frank’s eyes – a look that was becoming quite common with him lately – and just shook his head. “I can’t, Frank.” And with that he stormed out of the room.

 

Neither Gerard or Mikey would speak to Frank for the rest of the night, no matter how hard he tried. Mikey wouldn’t even look at him and Gerard would just reply to his attempts at conversation with an apologetic look filled with guilt. Frank had ended up sitting in his room alone for most of the night, completely lost over how his life had gotten him here.

 

\------

**Journal Entry 3**

_No dream tonight.  
You can’t dream if you can’t sleep._

_Frank_

 

\------

 

Two days later and still neither Mikey nor Gerard would talk to Frank. The silence was killing him. He wasn’t sure whether to be angry or sad, either way he was absolutely miserable. He hadn’t slept in days, the most he got was dozing off for a few minutes every once in a while.

 

Gerard had come with him to work the past two mornings before his classes. But the walks with him were mostly silent except for the occasional squeals that came from Gerard whenever he got to see one of the dogs. Hearing him happy like that made Frank’s heart ache. He just wanted everything to go back to the way it was before. But, then again, things hadn’t been as great as he’d thought they’d been. At least not for Mikey.

 

The only person in the apartment who would talk to Frank in more than short one word replies was Pete, but he refused to talk about what was going on. It almost looked as though it upset him just as much as it did everyone else. Frank thought that was odd, that he was so invested in the situation when it didn’t have anything to do with him. But every time he tried to ask Pete about it, he would get shut down. Every time. At this point Frank was so frustrated with the situation he could barely stay in the apartment with all of them for too long. The silence was fucking violent.

 

He had spent most of his time in the past two days with Ray. Ray was the only person who seemed to be able to talk to him openly about everything. He wasn’t mad at Frank. _Thank god for that._ That’s where Frank was headed Saturday morning, he had quickly rushed out of the apartment to see Ray.

 

Breakfast had been filled with more silence, only broken when Frank had asked Mikey where his favorite place was that he had visited—his sad attempt at trying to get Mikey to talk to him again—to which Mikey had just replied “Las Vegas” and then given Gerard an angry look across the table before retreating back into his silent demeanour. Gerard had look so guilty that he almost looked like he was just going to fall apart. Frank had no idea what was so important about Las Vegas to the Way brothers, but it was obvious by the look on Gerard’s face that it was a big fucking deal.

 

After another half hour of awkward silence, Frank had finally slipped out of the apartment to head to Ray’s, thankful for the interruption in constant tension.

 

“I have no idea what to do.” Frank said sitting next to Ray on his couch as they played a violent video game. “The silence is driving me fucking insane.”

 

“Have you ever thought about…” Ray trailed off, suddenly very invested in the game. For a moment all that was heard was furious clicking of buttons of their controllers, loud gunshots, and frustrated noises coming from both of them. Eventually a ‘Game Over’ screen popped up followed by a loud groan from a defeated Frank. Ray set down his controller with a satisfied smile and then turned to face Frank, changing his expression to a serious one. “Have you ever though about how this feels for Mikey?”

 

Frank set down his controller and looked at Ray with a confused but intrigued look. “What do you mean?”

 

“I mean, just think about it. This guy’s been keeping this big secret from you. A secret that could potentially ruin your guys’ friendship. And now you found out, and not even from him. He’s probably just waiting for you to dump him as a friend. He probably thinks you’re gonna be freaked out, Frank.”

 

“But I’m not freaked out. I just…” Frank trailed off, frustrated. He almost wished he just returned Mikey’s feelings. That would make this all easier. But no matter what he did, he just couldn’t think of him as more than a friend. Frank let out a deep, frustrated sigh, dropping his head back on the couch. “I just want my fucking best friend back.”

 

Ray smiled sympathetically and patted Frank on the leg. “You just need to talk to him.”

 

“But he won’t talk to me, Ray.” His words came out in barely a whisper. He was on the verge of crying and that made him even more upset than before. He was the exact opposite of an easy crier. He hadn’t gone this long without speaking to Mikey ever in their entire time of being friends. Not even when Mikey and Gerard had been travelling. Mikey always found a way to talk to him. Frank hated this. He hated it so fucking much.

 

“You’re gonna just have to find a way to force him to listen to you.” Ray let out another sympathetic smile before asking Frank if he wanted to play another round. Frank agreed, thankful for the change of subject and the opportunity to take his mind off of everything. This whole Mikey thing was going to give him a damn heart attack. And he didn’t even want to _think_ about the Gerard situation. He wasn’t letting himself think about that.

 

When Frank got home a few hours later from Ray’s, he opened the door to see Mikey sitting on the couch reading. He hadn’t looked up when the door had opened, but it was obvious he knew who was home by the way his body had tensed up. Frank let out a sigh, his momentary calm from being at Ray’s was completely gone at this point. He even almost turned and fled back to Ray’s for sanctuary. _Make him talk to you._

 

“Ray says hi.” Frank spoke out, hesitating at the doorway.

 

“Hi back to Ray.” Mikey didn’t even look up at him as he spoke, he just kept his eyes on the book. That was when Frank noticed that Mikey was reading one of _his_ books. _Oh, I see, you can ignore me for two whole days, but you’re perfectly fine stealing my fucking books._

 

“For fuck’s sake, Mikey. Talk to me!” Frank suddenly yelled out in frustration. He was fed up at this point, he couldn’t handle anymore of this silence. Mikey glanced up in surprise and opened his mouth like he was going to say something. But then must have thought against it, because his mouth closed quickly and he looked back down at his book.

 

“Jesus Christ, Mikey! I’m sorry, okay?” Frank yelled out again, throwing his arms out above his head in frustration. “I’m sorry that I didn’t realize it before, and I’m sorry I found out like this, and I’m sorry I kissed Gerard! And, fuck, I’m sorry—“

 

“—you’re sorry that you don’t feel the same?” Mikey cut him off, finally closing his book to look up at Frank with sad eyes.

 

Frank sighed and dropped onto the couch next to Mikey in defeat. “Well, yeah.”

 

There was a moment of silence before Mikey started shaking his head slowly. “This is why I didn’t want you to find out. I knew you wouldn’t feel the same.” Mikey looked away from Frank again, looking down at his hands.

 

“I’m so sorry, Mikey.” Frank reached out to touch his hand in a sympathetic gesture, but changed his mind and dropped his hand. “I wish I could make it better.”

 

“I don’t want things to change. Everything’s going to change now.” Mikey’s voice broke and Frank’s heart almost did the same. This time he did bring his hand to Mikey’s for comfort.

 

“Mikey, look at me.” Mikey brought his eyes up to his reluctantly as Frank spoke. “Nothing is going to change. You’re still my fucking best friend. Nothing is going to change that.”

“You promise?” The corner of Mikey’s lips twisted into a barely visible smile.

 

“Of course. I fucking need you around, Mikey. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Frank smiled, happy that it seemed that were finally getting somewhere.

 

Mikey rolled his eyes in reply. “You’d be dead if I weren’t around.” He let out a short laughed before sitting back and opening his book again. Frank gave a short laugh in reply before a sigh of relief and left to give Ray a call.

 

\------

 

**Journal Entry 8**

 

_The dreams are back. More often, and scarier. Nothing has changed in them, all the same stuff. They just feel more real this time. It’s terrifying._

_Made up with Mikey.  
Gerard still won’t talk to me. It’s been five days. _

_Frank_

 

\------

 

“He still hasn’t talked to you? It’s been like what, four days?” Pete said, incredulously, from across the room. “He wasn’t even the one you had a problem with. It was Mikey.”

 

Gerard hadn’t been at his therapists after Frank’s appointment. Frank had searched everywhere in that building, but he was nowhere to be found. He was going crazy at this point. “Five days. And yeah, I know.” Frank looked down at his hands as he lounged across the couch, his feet resting in Ray’s lap at the other end.

 

He had invited Ray over to hang with him and Pete, figuring it’d be good for him, but they’d just ended up talking about his guy problems. Pete had been suddenly very open to talking about it, even though a few days ago Pete could barely hear Frank speak without cutting him off.

 

“Maybe he’s just not that into you.” Ray said, the corners of his mouth twitching, like he was trying to hide that shit eating grin of his.

 

Frank glared back at him, picking up the pillow next to him and throwing it at Ray’s head, just barely missing. “Fuck you, I’m damn beautiful.” He said grumpily, but he couldn’t help but let out a small grin of his own in reply. It was times like these he realized he really took Ray for granted.

 

Frank sighed and lifted his feet off of Ray to scoot closer to him on the couch. He leaned his head on Ray’s shoulder. Ray wrapped an arm around Frank’s shoulders, leaning his head against Frank’s. Frank felt a tickle on his forehead from Ray’s enormous hair. “I’m so confused, Ray.”

 

“You’ll figure it out soon, Frankie. You always do.” Ray’s calming voice was all the assurance he needed. Frank always felt better after talking to him about stuff.

 

They sat there in silence for bit; the only sound breaking the quiet was the low humming of Pete tuning his bass. It was a comfortable silence, not one of those kinds where you were counting the seconds and hoping to God it would end. This wasn’t like the silence with Gerard. It was nice, to sit here with Ray.

 

“Do you ever think of putting your hair in braids?” Frank decided to say, staying true to his asshole self.

 

“Oh, fuck you, dickhead.” Ray said, attempting and failing to hide the grin spreading across his face. He removed his arm from around Frank’s shoulder, shoving him away. “Way to ruin a good moment.”

 

Frank cracked up, falling backwards onto the couch so that he was lying down and holding his stomach. He was still laughing when Gerard walked in the door a few moments later. Frank didn’t notice him at first. When he did, he sat up quickly and took a sudden deep breath in surprise, making him choke on his own air. He hacked for a few minutes, struggling for air, while Gerard stood awkwardly by the doorway.

 

When Frank finally caught his breath, he looked up at Gerard nervously. “Hey.” He let out a small smile, not sure what else to say. Gerard just stared at him for a moment, with a desperate look on his face. Then he walked past him without saying a word, walking onto the balcony and shutting the glass door behind him. Frank let out frustrated groan and dropped his head into his hands.

 

“Hey? You’ve barely spoken to the guy in five days and all you can come up with is _hey_?” Pete mocked him from across the room, still playing with his bass. Frank lifted his hand behind him to give him the finger, which just made Pete snicker.

 

“Frankie, go talk to him” Ray said, nudging an elbow toward at Frank’s arm. “If you don’t try now, you’ll regret it later.”

 

Frank sighed, wanting to argue with him, but he knew he was right. Ray was always right, it was really annoying. “Fine.” Frank said and got up from the couch and walked out on the balcony cautiously.

 

Gerard was leaning up against the railing, smoking. He looked beautiful against the purple sky. But then again, Gerard was always beautiful to Frank. He hadn’t noticed Frank’s presence, or at least he wasn’t acknowledging him if he did. Gerard was still staring out across the horizon when Frank walked up to the railing.

 

“Can I bum one from you?” Frank said, trying not to remember Gerard asking him the same thing out there almost a week before. There was a long pause as Gerard took a long drag from his cigarette, before he put out his own and finally shook one out of the pack for Frank. He pulled his lighter out of his pocket, lighting it for Frank, finally meeting his eyes. He looked sad.

 

Their gaze held for a few moments after the cigarette was lit. Frank was suddenly very aware of his body, and of how close Gerard was to it. Frank took a drag from his cigarette to try to distract him, but it didn’t help. Gerard’s heavy gaze was making his whole body tingle. Before he even knew what was happening, Frank had his lips pressed against Gerard’s.

Gerard was completely still at first, but Frank wouldn’t let up, and soon he was opening his mouth Frank’s. Frank dropped his cigarette to the floor of the balcony, stepping on it to put it out, not breaking his lips from Gerard’s for even a moment.

 

His hands found Gerard’s waist, pushing him back against the railing, pressing their bodies together. They moaned against each other’s lips together, it was the hottest thing Frank had ever experienced. Frank slid a leg between Gerard’s thighs, pushing up against him. Gerard let out a whimper against his lips, making Frank grin.

 

Suddenly he was being shoved across the balcony, colliding painfully with the wall of his apartment. Gerard was panting, with a pained expression. “We can’t.” Gerard said.

 

“Why not?” Frank growled out angrily. He was tired of this bullshit. He was tired of not understanding. “What happened in Las Vegas?”

 

Gerard’s head snapped up, his stare burning holes in Frank’s skin. He looked both angry and terrified. “What do you know about Las Vegas? What did Mikey tell you?” He hissed out in reply through gritted teeth.

 

“I know shit all about Las Vegas. But that’s what this is about, right?” Frank said, trying to keep his temper. “What the fuck happened there that you can’t kiss me? What changed, what did you remember?”

 

Gerard hesitated, like he was trying to figure out how to answer. “I can’t tell you.” He moronically settled on.

 

“Well that’s just fucking bullshit.” Frank spat back at him. “Tell me the fucking truth, Gerard!”

 

“I promised him!” Gerard finally screamed out. His hand came up to cover his mouth, as if he was appalled he had let anything out.

 

“Mikey?” Frank asked. He continued when Gerard nodded. “What did you promise him?”

 

“He…”Gerard trailed off, finding the words. “He told me about someone he was close to. Very close to. Someone he—“ Gerard looked down at his feet. “Someone he loved.”

 

“Loved?” Frank repeated. He didn’t think he had ever heard Mikey use that word, besides for talking about his family. “What-who…who did he say he loved?” Frank finally sputtered out.

 

Gerard shook his head. “He never told me who it was. But he made me promise that I’d never try to stop him from loving that person. That I wouldn’t do anything to ruin it.” He let out a shaky breath, like he was about to start—or already was—crying.

 

“And…and did you?” Frank asked, already knowing the answer.

 

Gerard looked up at him, his eyes red and wet. He nodded. “It’s you, Frankie. He was talking about you. And I broke that promise. Don’t you see?” Gerard said, taking a step towards him. “I broke that promise by kissing you. I did the one thing he asked me not to. He hates me.”

 

“No, Gee, no..” Frank said, softly, reaching out to touch Gerard’s shoulder. “Mikey loves you more than anyone else. He could never hate you.”

 

“He will if I keep doing this with you, Frank.” Gerard said, with a serious look. “I can’t do this anymore.” And then he walked off the balcony, despite Frank’s calls after him.

 

The next morning Mikey and Gerard were gone. Along with all of their things.

 

\------

 

**Journal Entry 15**

 

_Dreams haven’t changed, except for Gerard’s voice. It’s muted, like he’s too far away even though he’s right in front of me. I can’t hear him. He’s too far away._

_It’s been a week.  
Mikey and Gerard are still gone._

_Frank_

\------

 

“We found an apartment. It’s not the greatest thing I’ve ever seen, but Gee seemed pretty determined to move in as soon as possible to pretty much any place available.” Mikey said to Frank over the phone the next Wednesday evening. “Especially since living at your place doesn’t seem to be an option anymore.”

 

Frank sighed in reply, as he made himself some tea in his kitchen. “Living here is always an option, Mikey, you know that. You leaving wasn’t my choice.”

 

“Dude, seriously, what did you do to him?” Mikey said, sounding genuinely confused. “I’ve never seen him like this before. He won’t even talk to me about it.”

 

“I didn’t do anything!” Frank replied, feeling totally helpless. The apartment had been eerily quiet since the brothers had left. It was freaking him out. “One minute we were kissing and the last minute he was freaking out at me.” Frank sighed again as he poured hot water from the kettle into his cup.

 

On the phone, Mikey went silent. Frank almost thought he’d been hung up on, and then his brain decided to finally catch up with his mouth. “Oh, shit, Mikey. I’m sorry. God, I’m fucking awful.” _Don’t talk to him about making out with his brother, dumbass._

 

“It’s fine, Frank.” Mikey replied. But his voice didn’t sound right and Frank felt a lifetimes worth of guilt wash over him. Frank let out a frustrated sigh, followed by a muttered curse as he burnt his tongue on the tea.

 

Mikey cleared his throat and continued speaking. “So how’s the apartment without us? Finally happy for the silence?”

 

“Fuck, no, man. It’s so fucking quiet. It’s freaking me out being all alone here.” Frank shook his head and took another sip of his tea.

 

“What happened to Pete?” Mikey said. His voice had an odd tone to it suddenly, almost urgent. Frank thought it was weird, but brushed it aside.

 

“He went back on tour for a few months. His band got picked up for some tour of Jersey. He’ll only drop by every few weeks, I guess.” Frank shrugged, suddenly missing his shithead roommate’s presence. At least he wouldn’t be alone, even if he would be spending the whole time being harassed by the guy. “He’s doing a home town show in a few weeks, wanna go with me?”

 

“Yeah totally.” Mikey said eagerly. “I’ll invite Gerard too.”

 

“Hah, yeah, don’t think he’ll want to come.” Frank said doubtfully. It felt like he was never going to get through to Gerard.

 

“You’ll figure it out, Frankie. You’ll fix whatever needs fixing.” Mikey reassured him. He sounded sure of what he said, but Frank just couldn’t see how he could fix something he didn’t even know he had broken in the first place.

 

Frank stayed silent for a while, taking a couple sips of his tea before speaking again. “What happened in Las Vegas, Mikey?” Frank ask tentatively. He had heard Gerard’s side, that Mikey had made him promise not to ruin his love for someone. For Frank, apparently. But he still didn’t understand it. And he needed to _understand_.

 

Mikey sighed heavily on the other end of the phone. He didn’t speak for a while, just muttering a few curses every once in a while. “That was when I told him about you.” He finally said, almost in a whisper. “I didn’t tell him who it was, I just told him there was someone. For some reason I had a feeling that he would ruin it. I’ve never had that feeling like that about him. But I always knew I didn’t want you two to meet. That’s why you never did. That’s why you didn’t meet him until now, Frank.”

 

“You kept me from meeting him?” Frank said incredulously. This was all just so unlike Mikey. It was like Frank didn’t even know his best friend anymore, this was a completely different guy than the person he thought he knew.

 

“Yeah, I did.” Mikey replied, guilt obvious in his voice. “I wouldn’t let you meet until he promised that he wouldn’t screw things up for me. But now…well, now it doesn’t matter.” He finished offhandedly with a heavy sigh.

 

“Well it obviously still matters to Gerard. He thinks you hate him.” Frank muttered in reply, unsure of how to even feel at this point.

 

“I don’t hate him. I could never hate him.” Mikey paused for a moment. “I’m sorry, Frank.” He said, and he sounded sincere. Then Frank heard a knock at his door. He exchanged goodbyes with Mikey over the phone and hung up, setting the phone down on the table. He put his empty cup in the sink—making a mental note to clean it later or else it would sit there for days—and then he went to open the door.

 

 

\------

 

There he was standing before Frank, goddamn beautiful as ever. He was so beautiful it made Frank angry. He was in his normal wardrobe of all black clothes, but he was oddly bare of scarves. Frank could see his bare neck, and it drove him crazy. He could do so many things to that man’s neck. If only he could—

 

“Hi, Frank.” Gerard broke the silence, causing Frank to snap out of thinking with his dick. Gerard looked so serious; his eyes could barely focus on one point at a time. None of those points were Frank. He wouldn’t even look near Frank’s direction.

 

“Hey.” Frank replied, confused as all hell. “What are you—“

 

“Is there a reason Dr. Williams can’t take her fucking eyes off of me?” Gerard cut him off and brushed past him into the apartment. Frank wasn’t even sure what to say as he closed the front door and turned to face him.

 

“Dr. Williams?” Frank replied, still confused.

 

“Your therapist. My boss. She won’t stop staring at me, it’s driving me insane. And I can’t figure it out. And then I realized, common denominator.” Gerard stabbed a finger at Frank. “You, Frank. You must have told her something to make her look at me like this. So what is it?”

 

“I…” Frank was lost for a second, totally lost as what to say. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

 

Gerard didn’t not like that reply, taking a step forward with an angry look. “What the fuck are you talking to her about that makes her look at me like that?” He was almost yelling.

 

“The dreams!” Frank spat out, unwillingly. He let out a heavy sigh of regret and walked away from Gerard, collapsing onto the couch. “I have fucking dreams about you, alright?”

 

“Dreams?” Gerard voice was soft again, with a hint of worry. He sat next to Frank on the couch, but as far from him as he could possible be. The small distance between them made Frank’s whole body ache.

 

“I started having dreams about you. Nightmares, more like.” Frank surrendered.

 

“Nightmares?” Gerard’s voice was now full of worry. “When did they start?”

 

“They’ve been happening for a while. But you showed up in them about a day before…” Frank trailed off, unsure if he wanted to finish. He knew how weird it was. He hated those dreams. He just wanted them gone. “…a day before I met you.”

 

Gerard recoiled, confusion spreading across his face. “You dreamt about me a day _before we had even met_?”

 

“Don’t look at me like that, Gerard. I know how fucking weird it sounds.” Frank sighed and dropped his face into his hands. _Why can’t these dreams just go away? I don’t want to be having this conversation._

“Frank…” Gerard let out, barely even a whisper. Frank heard some shuffling on the couch next to him, and then he was feeling Gerard’s arms wrap around him. It felt so good to feel his arms around him; it only took a few moments before Frank was wrapping his own arms around Gerard’s body and totally releasing himself in his embrace.

 

“They’re so terrifying. I don’t understand why they’re happening to me.” Frank’s voice shook, speaking against the crook of Gerard’s neck. Gerard stayed silent, just continued to hold Frank close, stroking his back softly. “I don’t sleep, Gerard. I can’t sleep.” Gerard made a comforting noise in reply, and held him even closer. They sat like that for a while, for a long time. When Gerard finally started to pull away, Frank didn’t feel like it had been enough time. But still they pulled away, meeting each others eyes. Frank had the overwhelming feeling that he wanted nothing more than to have Gerard.

 

Before he knew it, they were kissing. It was passionate, desperate kisses that left Frank barely even able to think straight. But it wasn’t long before Gerard was pushing away, like he always did. “Frank.” He panted out, seemingly attempting to convey the usual message of regret.

 

Frank shook his head violently in reply. “Please, Gerard, please. Don’t push me away.” He spoke, barely in a whisper before bringing his lips to Gerard’s again.

 

Gerard hesitated against his lips, but he didn’t push away this time. He started to kiss back. And he didn’t argue when Frank got up from the couch and started pulling him towards the bedroom, still pressing kisses all over his neck. Frank kicked the door open with his foot, turning them around so he was moving Gerard into the room. He reluctantly broke off from Gerard to close the door behind him, locking it just in case they got an unexpected visitor.

 

When Frank turned, Gerard was standing by the bed, looking uncomfortable and nervous. Frank walked to him, placing his hands on his waist. He started to kiss his neck, stopping to suck in certain places, leaving bruises that were his alone.

 

“We don’t have to do this, Gee.” Frank mumbled against his skin. He didn’t really want the possibility of Gerard turning him down, but he also didn’t want to do anything with an uncertain Gerard. He didn’t want him that way.

 

Gerard shook his head, slowly. “No, I want this.” He whispered, moving his hands under Frank’s shirt and slipping it off of him. Frank couldn’t help but let out a small grin and slipped Gerard’s top layers off. He swore the dude wore an entire guy’s shirt section; there were so many goddamn layers.

 

A few moments later and they were both standing there bare ass naked, and Frank swore he had never seen anyone so beautiful. His eyes traced Gerard’s exposed body, memorizing it so that he could keep that image in his mind forever. Then Gerard was guiding him towards the bed. He laid down on the bed, face up, and motioned for Frank to join him. Frank hesitated to take one more look at the beautiful body lying in front of him before climbing on top of him.

 

Then they were kissing again. Except this time it was so different. _So fucking different._ There was nothing between them as their bare bodies pressed against each other. Gerard was hard. Frank could feel it against his own dick as they moved against each other. He moved his hips, pressing up against Gerard more and they both moaned. Someone let out a “fuck” and Frank wasn’t even sure which one of them it was. He just kept moving against Gerard, having to break away from his mouth as he let out heavy pants.

 

“Fuck, Frank.” Gerard whined out between pants. “I need you inside me. Please.”

 

Frank mumbled out “yeah” in reply and sat back, opening the top drawer in his nightstand to grab a condom. His breathing was heavy as he worked to slide it onto himself, cursing under his breath a few times in frustration. After he finally got it on, he reached into the drawer again for lube, pouring some over his hands, working some over the condom before pouring more on his hands. Frank looked back up at Gerard who was watching him closely. Frank only met his eyes for a moment before he looked back down at what he was doing.

 

He moved his free hand to Gerard’s thigh, guiding his legs apart. Gerard let out a shaky breath and Frank looked up, hesitating. “Are you sure, Gee? We can stop.” Gerard just shook his head in reply and then nodded, encouraging Frank to continue. He hesitated for a moment before breaking Gerard’s gaze and looking down once again. Frank was suddenly so nervous. He’d had plenty of sex in the past before, but this somehow just felt so different. So _real_.

 

Frank let out a shaky breath before pressing a finger inside Gerard. All nerves Frank had disappeared when he heard Gerard let out a low moan of pleasure. Gerard’s back arched as Frank moved inside him. He slipped a second finger inside of him, movingly quickly and Gerard moaned louder, letting his head drop back onto the pillows. Frank watched Gerard move around in from of him, his dick getting even harder, if that was even possible. Gerard whined out an impatient noise. “Fuck, please, Frank.”

 

Frank leaned forward, lining himself up correctly. He kissed Gerard quickly but deeply. He let out a shaky breath, hesitating once more. And then he was inside him. And it was everything he had imagined. No, it was even more. It was amazing.

 

They moaned out together as Frank moved his hips against Gerard’s body. Gerard pulled Frank’s lips against his, moving his hips with Frank’s and he moved inside him. They moaned against each other lips as their bodies rocked together, gaining sort of a rhythm. As they started to speed up, the kisses got more desperate. Their kiss broke as they both gasped for air. Their rhythm paused for only a second as Frank reached for the bed frame, but soon picked up pace. Frank let out a yell of pleasure as he thrust in Gerard even harder. Gerard returned his yell, letting out a “fuck!”.

 

“Fuck, I’m gonna come.” Frank panted out. “Come with me, Gee.” And then he yelled again, releasing himself as he came. Gerard screamed in return, shaking all over as he came with Frank. They both panted together as Frank slowed his pace before slowly pulling out, wincing at the pressure on his over-sensitive skin. Frank fell forward, collapsing next to Gerard on the bed, staying there for a moment before rolling over face up.

 

They both sat there in silence, for what seemed like forever, just trying to catch their breath. Frank wasn’t even sure what to say, or what to do. He finally just muttered. “Well that was fucking new.”

 

\------

 

It was silent for a long time as they both laid in bed staring at the ceiling. Frank wasn’t sure what to do or say next, he wasn’t even sure what he was supposed to be thinking at this point, so he just touched his hand to Gerard’s and waited for him to speak.

 

Finally, Gerard spoke up in barely more than a whisper. “I have no clue what to say.”

 

Frank laughed softly in reply. “Neither do I.” He looked over at Gerard, but he was staring straight up at the ceiling. Frank knew that sleeping with Gerard probably wasn’t the best decision he had made in a long time, but he just couldn’t bring himself to regret it. He also couldn’t help to wonder if Gerard felt the same.

 

Frank let out sigh and closed his eyes, frustrated from feeling like he shouldn’t be feeling this good. He just wanted to know what the guy was thinking. And then he felt the warmth of Gerard’s hand slipping into his own. Frank gave his hand a squeeze, and Gerard squeezed back. He didn’t need any other answer than that.

 

They laid together in silence, hands intertwined for a bit before Frank felt the need to do _something_ or else his mind would get the best of him. Reluctantly, he removed his hand from Gerard’s grip and went to slip into the shower.

 

He couldn’t remember the last time he had taken that long of a shower. It wasn’t like he had planned on taking so long, but every few minutes he’d start thinking of all the bad ways Gerard could handle the situation and he’d end up getting distracted. After a half an hour shower, he finally jumped out, pulling on some clean clothes.

 

But when he walked back to the bedroom, Gerard was gone. Frank glanced around, noticing that Gerard’s clothes were still all over the floor. _What the fuck?_ He was more confused than he had been in a long fucking time. Frank couldn’t help but picture Gerard walking around town completely naked. That made him laugh, and it also made him a little turned on now that he could picture exactly what that would look like.

 

An hour later and Gerard was still nowhere to be found. Frank had given up hope waiting for him, just assuming he had decided it was all a mistake and ditched him. So now Frank was reading and trying to keep his mind off the fact that his heart was completely broken.

 

He was about three chapters into his book when the front door opened. Frank looked up to see Gerard standing in front of him holding a tray of coffee to go and a bag that was slung over his shoulder. But the main thing that Frank noticed was that Gerard was _wearing his clothes_. For some reason seeing him wearing his clothes drove Frank fucking _crazy_.

 

“Frank?” Gerard looked nervously at him for while before Frank realized that he was staring, and staring _hard_. It was pretty embarrassing, actually.

 

“I thought you had ditched me.” Frank looked up at him, still amazed by how goddamn beautiful he was. It still made him angry. But a good angry, an angry that he was hungry to keep around. He never wanted to lose that angry.

 

“Of course not.” Gerard’s lips twisted into that lopsided grin of his and Frank’s heart almost stopped. It had been a long time since he’d seen that smile. He made a mental note to never go that long without seeing that smile again. He must have been staring again because Gerard’s grin faltered, turning into an uncomfortable half smile. “What’s going on in your head, Frank?”

 

“Nothing.” Frank said, reluctantly looking away. “Just making a mental note. Come here.” He set his book down on the coffee table in front of him and patted the seat next to him. Gerard smiled and obliged, setting the coffee and his bag next to Frank’s book before settling down next to him.

 

“I got coffee.” Gerard said with a smile on his face, grabbing one of the coffee’s and handing it to him before grabbing his own and sitting back on the couch.

 

“I noticed.” Frank replied before taking a sip of the coffee. “Also noticed the clothes.” He took another look at Gerard, attempting to conceal the fact that it still drove him crazy to see him in those clothes.

 

“Hope you don’t mind, mine were kind of…well, dirty.” He laughed shortly, looking away from Frank.

 

“Trust me; I am so far from minding, it’s ridiculous. You can take my entire fucking wardrobe if you want.” Frank said, which caused Gerard’s head to whip back over at him with that lopsided grin again. They smiled at each other for a bit before Frank nodded at the bag that Gerard had brought with him. “What’s in the bag?”

 

Gerard’s eyes lit up and he let out an “Oh!” like he had completely forgotten about the bag and reached over to grab it and set it on his lap. “I brought some of my drawings to show you.” He said as he rummaged through the bag a bit before pulling out a small stack of papers.

 

“Drawings?” Frank shifted on the couch so he was fully facing Gerard, completely interested. He hadn’t seen any of Gerard’s drawings yet, and he was suddenly so intrigued by the idea of getting to see some.

 

The next half hour was spent with Gerard handing him photos and Frank sitting and staring in awe at them. The drawings were like something taken straight out of a comic book. A comic book that Frank never ever wanted to put down. When they came to the last drawing of the pile, Gerard hesitated a bit before handing it to him.

 

“I...I hope…” Gerard stumbled over his words, looking down and biting on his lip. “I hope you don’t mind. I maybe have, uh, I—well, I drew you.” He let out a short, nervous laugh and looked up at Frank.

 

“You drew me?” Frank replied incredulously as he looked down at the drawing in his hands. He had never found himself beautiful—he could barely even find himself attractive—but the person that Gerard had drawn on this paper was definitely beautiful. The drawing was amazing— _Gerard is amazing_ —and it filled Frank with so much damn emotion he didn’t know what to do with himself. So he just leaned forward, pulling Gerard into desperate kiss.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Fooling around? What the fuck you guys?” Frank replied in disbelief.
> 
> “Hey, don’t act all high and mighty, asshole. You’re the one who’s fucking my brother!” Mikey retorted angrily.
> 
> “Well I’m in love with your fucking brother!” Frank yelled back without even thinking. He was always doing that, opening his stupid mouth before thinking. Everyone went silent. Mikey’s jaw dropped right to the floor. It would’ve been entertaining to watch if Frank wasn’t busy currently watching his life flash before his eyes.
> 
> “You’re in love with me?” Gerard finally spoke up in a small, disbelieving voice. Frank looked at him, his eyes wide in horror. He had no idea what to say. Of course he was fucking in love with him. The guy drove him crazy. But he didn’t want him to know that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this part is a bit short than the others, but it ends with a big cliffhanger so enjoy. only two parts left to post and both are gonna be much short than this one.

“You _what_?” Pete yelled out incredulously at Frank the next day. Gerard had spent the rest of the day with Frank, mostly spending the time kissing a lot. But eventually Frank had to accept the fact that Gerard had to go home, if only for the night. Besides, he was going home to a brother that still had feelings for Frank, and neither of them knew how the fuck they were going to tell Mikey about what happened.

 

The next day Pete had come home for one of his short breaks off of tour. His reaction to finding out that Frank had slept with Gerard was pretty much what he had been expecting. Frank just nodded in reply as he sat at the kitchen table drinking his tea.

 

“What about Mikey?” Pete went on, saying the one thing that could turn Frank’s good mood completely upside down. He had been totally avoiding the topic of Mikey in his mind. He had no fucking clue what to do.

 

“I have no fucking clue what to do about Mikey.” Frank stated and then sighed heavily, taking another sip of his tea. “I feel like I should feel bad about sleeping with Gee, but I feel so fucking good right now. But the fact that I feel good about it just makes me feel so fucking awful.” He let out a loud groan and dropped his head onto the table.

 

“That’s a shitload of feeling for such a small dude.” Pete replied, pulling out the chair opposite to him and sitting down. Frank gave him the finger and let out another groan which was followed by a soft laugh from Pete. “Just tell him, Frankie. Get it over with.”

 

Frank sighed and lifted his head up to look at Pete. “But he’s going to be so _hurt_ , Pete. I can’t see him hurt like that again.”

 

Pete just smiled in reply and shook his head a bit, reaching his hand forward to touch Frank’s in a comforting gesture. “Mikeyway will be perfectly fine. He will make it through. You just need to tell him, keeping it from him will only make it worse.”

 

“I really hate how right you are sometimes for being such a shithead.” Frank grumbled in reply making Pete scowl in return and flick him on the forehead. Frank yelped out in pain and gave him the finger again before letting out a grin as he took another sip of his tea.

 

Later that day, Frank received texts from both the Way brothers:

 

**Gee:**  
4:05pm: _I’m coming over in an hour_.  
4:06pm: _Not for what you think, perv._  
4:06pm: _Bringing Mikey with._

 

**Mikeyway:**  
4:05pm: _the fuck, Gee jst demanded tht we see u 2nite.  
_ 4:05pm: _u know what abt?  
_ 4:06pm: _guess u guys r talkn again?_

_Well, fuck_ , Frank cursed under his breath after reading them. He knew what that meant; Gerard wanted to tell him what happened. It had barely even been day. Couldn’t he just be happy for one fucking day before dealing with more shit? No, of course not. He wrote half-assed replies to both of them and called out to Pete, letting him know what was happening.

 

Exactly one hour later— _literally not one fucking minute late_ —there was a knock at the door. Frank took a deep breath and opened it, seeing two of his favorite people in front of him in his least favorite circumstance. He let both of them in, grabbing their coats from them and throwing them on the couch, just to turn back to see both of them staring at him expectantly.

 

Well, Gerard wasn’t staring at him; he wouldn’t look at Frank at all, in fact. He was probably trying to hide the fact that they’d fucked a day earlier, but Christ was he doing a bad job. Mikey noticed too because his eyes just kept moving between Frank and Gerard, getting more confused and frustrated with every look.

 

They all stayed silent for what seemed like forever, before Mikey eventually let out a loud sigh. “Alright will someone please just tell me what the fuck is going on?”

 

Frank sighed, staring down at his feet as he shifted uncomfortably on them. Gerard let out a deep breath and cleared his throat a few times before speaking. “Uh, okay—ugh, Mikey. We, uh, we need to tell you something.”

 

“Um, alright.” Mikey said slowly and uncertainly. “Then just tell me.”

 

Frank finally looked up to see Mikey’s face full of confusion and Gerard’s full of regret. Gerard’s face hurt him the most, even though he knew it was going to happen. He knew that he had wanted it more than him, that Gerard would regret it. But that didn’t make the stab in his heart any less painful.

 

Gerard mumbled something about sitting down and Frank followed him and Mikey to the kitchen. Gerard sat next to him so that they were sitting across the table from Mikey and Frank never felt so weird about a situation in his life. _This is like my parent’s divorce all over again. Except I’m on a completely different side of it._

 

“Something happened.” Gerard said, his voice shaking slightly.

 

“Okay…” Mikey said cautiously, his eyes moving from Gerard to Frank and back again. “What happened?”

 

Gerard was silent, his eyes moving over to meet Frank’s. But Frank shifted his gaze away the second they met, he couldn’t look at him. It was silent for a moment longer before Mikey slammed his hand down on the table, an action that startled the fuck out of both Gerard and Frank. They both stared at him in amazement. Frank couldn’t remember the last time Mikey had made that much noise _ever_.

 

“Just tell me what the fuck happened!” Mikey growled out at them, staring them both down.

 

“We fucked, alright!” Frank finally yelled out in reply, followed by a deep sigh as he watched Mikey’s face fall.

 

“You what?” Mikey said in a small voice. He didn’t exactly look heart broken, not like Frank expected. No, he looked even worse. He looked empty.

 

“We slept together, Mikey.” Gerard spoke softly, reaching out his hand to touch Mikey’s, but Mikey pulled his hand away.

 

“So what, are you guys _dating_ now or something?” Mikey spat out, looking directly at Frank as if he knew all the answer to life’s questions.

 

“Ask your fucking brother. He seems to make all the decisions anyway.” Frank grumbled out and Gerard’s head snapped to him, his eyes filled with both confusion and hurt.

 

“Well?” Mikey said, his angry look turning on to his brother. Gerard looked at Frank, then looked Mikey, then moved back to Frank. He looked so lost; Frank would have found it cute if he wasn’t so angry at him.

 

“Mikey, I…” Gerard started, but trailed off, visibly clueless as what to say. Mikey stared at him for a bit before standing up and storming out of the kitchen. Frank expected him to storm out of the apartment, but weirdly enough he went to….Pete’s room? _What the fuck is that about?_ Frank didn’t have time to think about that before Gerard had turned on him with as much anger as when Frank’s mom had caught him smoking for the first time.

 

“What the _fuck_ was that, Frank?” Gerard spoke calmly, like if he let his anger get the best of him he might explode.

 

“You regret it, don’t you?” Frank replied, he spoke angrily at first but the idea of how Gerard could answer just made his voice break. “You regret being with me.”

 

“Frankie…” Gerard started and then let out a frustrated noise. “Shit, no, Frank. I don’t fucking regret it, alright? It was amazing.” He paused, lifting a hand to touch Frank’s cheek. “You looked so amazing on top of me. I didn’t think I could ever take my eyes off of you.” Gerard stared into his eyes for a moment and Frank felt like his heart was going to explode from his chest. But the moment was gone too fast and Gerard’s hand dropped to his lap and he looked away.

 

Frank let out a deep sigh, reaching out to grab Gerard’s hand in his own. “What are we going to do about Mikey?” He said, stroking Gerard’s hand with his thumb.

 

“I have no idea. I have no fucking idea.” Gerard replied and leaned forward, resting his head on Frank’s chest. Frank couldn’t help but let out a small grin before moving his free hand to stroke Gerard’s back in an attempt to comfort him.

 

The situation might suck, but Frank couldn’t help but feel so happy that his heart might just leap right out of his goddamn chest.

 

\------

 

**Journal Entry 20**

 

_Still having dreams, as per usual. But they’re a lot less scary now, especially since now I wake up to Gerard sleeping safe and sound next to me in bed._

_Mikey hasn’t talked to me in three days.  
He’s barely even talking to Gerard._

_Frank_

 

\------

 

Mikey still wouldn’t talk three days later, Frank hadn’t even seen Mikey in three days. Gerard had of course seen him, but he told Frank they had barely even exchanged a few words. He was so distraught about it, it was like this visible load his was carrying on his shoulders. It worried Frank to see him that stressed. So Gerard had been staying at Frank’s, so he didn’t have to spend all his time at the silent, passive aggressive Way brother’s apartment. Frank was not happy about the situation with Mikey, but he couldn’t exactly complain about the fact that Gerard had been sleeping in his bed for the past two nights.

 

It wasn’t like they had really done anything, mostly just some making out here and there and holding each other while Frank read or Gerard drew. But Frank didn’t need more than that, he only needed whatever Gerard was willing to give him.

 

That night, Sunday night—the third night Mikey was silent—Frank had another nightmare. It was a normal one of his nightmares; running through a dark building to find a dying Gerard that begged him to save him. He had jolted awake from it to once again find Gerard peacefully asleep next to him, his arm slung over Frank’s stomach. Frank grinned to himself a bit and lightly lifted up Gerard’s arm, placing a light kiss on his skin before moving his arm next to him and slipping out of bed.

 

Frank quickly tip toed out of the bedroom and into the bathroom. He was too exhausted to even look for the light switch, so he did his best and pissed in the dark. When he came back out, he heard a weird noise coming from Pete’s room. He just figured Pete was watching some dumb movie or he was playing his bass or something. Frank walked over to Pete’s room to check it out either way.

 

But when he pushed the door open what he saw was— _Oh, god. What the fuck?_ —What he saw was way too much of Pete and way too much of—

 

“Mikey?” He yelled out, his voice going up about four octaves in disbelief. Both Mikey and Pete looked over at him in shock, both _bare ass naked_ _on Pete’s bed_. Frank didn’t even know what to do so he just shut the door and walked into the living room, instantly starting to pace. “Isn’t anyone in this fucking apartment straight anymore?!” He screamed out, running a hand through his hair.

 

Gerard came out of the room a few moments later, rubbing sleepily at his eyes and letting out a tiny yawn. He was wearing one of Frank’s old handmade shirts with the words “homophobia is gay” scrawled across the front in sharpie. If that wasn’t enough, he was also wearing a pair of Frank’s old holey sweats, but they were a bit too short for him, making them look more like capris on him, showing his bare ankles. Frank was walking a thin line between being furious at what he’d just seen and trying not to go completely nuts over Gerard.

 

“What’s going on, Frankie?” Gerard spoke out sleepily as Pete and Mikey finally walked out sheepishly from Pete’s bedroom. Fully clothed this time, at least. Frank let out a frustrated sigh and reached out to grab Gerard’s hand, pulling him close. He just needed him close at this point, if only to calm him the fuck down.

 

“That’s exactly what I’m fucking wondering.” Frank replied, trying to control his frustration as he glared across the room at Pete and Mikey.

 

Pete let out an uncomfortable laugh, scratching his head. “Uh, well, we’ve kinda been, uh…” He trailed off, evidently nervous as shit. But Frank really couldn’t care less if he was making things uncomfortable for them.

 

“You’ve been what?” Frank spoke, raising his voice a bit. “Fucking?!”

 

“We’ve been fooling around, I guess.” Mikey said in a confident voice, wavering a bit when Frank turned his glare on him.

 

“ _Fooling around_? What the fuck you guys?” Frank replied in disbelief.

 

“Hey, don’t act all high and mighty, asshole. You’re the one who’s fucking my _brother_!” Mikey retorted angrily.

 

“Well I’m _in love_ with your fucking brother!” Frank yelled back without even thinking. He was always doing that, opening his stupid mouth before thinking. Everyone went silent. Mikey’s jaw dropped right to the floor. It would’ve been entertaining to watch if Frank wasn’t busy currently watching his life flash before his eyes.

 

“You’re in love with me?” Gerard finally spoke up in a small, disbelieving voice. Frank looked at him, his eyes wide in horror. He had no idea what to say. Of course he was fucking in love with him. The guy drove him crazy. But he didn’t want him to _know_ that.

 

Frank let out a series of frustrated noises before turning his gaze back on Pete and Mikey, but they were just staring at him in amazement. “This is not the fucking point!” He growled out, but they were still all just staring at him, so he just grumbled out a few curses and walked back off to his bedroom alone, slamming the door behind him.

 

A few minutes passed as Frank laid face down on his bed, groaning in frustration. _The fuck do I do now_. That was when he heard the door quietly open and then close again followed by the feel of Gerard slipping in to bed next to him. A hand touched his back in a reassuring gesture.

 

“Frankie.” Gerard’s voice was soft and calm. It was exactly what Frank needed and what made him totally fucking crazy at the same time.

 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Frank replied, speaking into the pillow. “Can we please just drop it and talk about something else?”

 

Gerard was silent for a moment, obviously trying to decide whether to pester him about it or to just let it go. He obviously decided on the latter because he said a quiet “okay” before lying back on the pillows next to Frank.

 

Frank let out a breath of relief and turned on his side, moving in close to Gerard to rest his head on his chest. Gerard wrapped an arm around Frank, stroking his back slowly. It felt amazing; he never wanted to move from that place. They just laid together for while, not speaking. But the silent was too much for Frank, it just felt like a big unanswered question.

 

“Tell me about your day, Gee.” Frank said, looking up at him. “Just, talk, please. I can’t keep thinking or else my head is going to fucking explode.”

 

Gerard smiled down at him, just staring for a bit, before nodding and obliging. He talked for a long time, Frank interjecting every once in a while or laughing at a story he told. They talked for hours about everything and nothing all at the same time. Before they knew it, the sun was coming up. They both dozed off a while after that, still wrapped in each other’s arms.

 

\-------

 

“So you’ve been sleeping with Gerard, the man from your dreams?” Dr. Williams spoke in a slow, deadpan voice. This had been the most awkward therapy session yet. He had almost cancelled last second because Frank _knew_ how it was going to go, but goddamn Gerard and his goddamn puppy eyes had convinced him to go.

 

“It’s good for you. You need to figure out the dreams, Frank.” Gerard had said earlier that morning, practically batting his fucking eyelashes at Frank. He’d just rolled his eyes, sighed heavily, and of course gave in. _Who wouldn’t give in to that face?_

 

“Yeah, I mean, I guess.” Frank replied to Dr. Williams, trying his best not to get annoyed with her emotionless tone. “It’s not like we’re just fucking. It’s more than that. There hasn’t even been that much fucking anyway.” Actually there hadn’t been _any_ fucking, not since the first time. At this point, it was mostly Frank’s fault. He still couldn’t get Pete and Mikey’s bare asses out of his head. Didn’t do great for a hard on.

 

“What do you mean when you say ‘it’s more than that’? What do you feel towards him?” She leaned forward, staring intently at him, like she was looking straight into his soul. It freaked Frank the hell out; he shook his head a bit and broke her stare, looking down at his hands.

 

“I don’t know. I guess I…” He trailed off, not wanting to finish the sentence. Not wanting to say all over again how he felt. “I love him, I think. Or…I’m _in_ love with him, if there’s a difference.”

 

Williams made a humming noise like she was thinking deep about what he had said. When Frank lifted his head to her, she was writing down some notes on her pad before looking back up to him. “Do you think he feels the same way?”

 

Frank let out a short, frigid laugh. “Fuck if I know. That guy doesn’t tell me shit about how he feels.” He let out another hard laugh followed by a deep sigh. Williams just hummed again in response.

 

“And you’re still having the dreams? The same ones, nothing has changed?” She gave him that deep, unwavering stare again. He nodded slowly, looking at the wall behind her head, afraid to meet her gaze.

 

“Same shit every night. Can’t get away from it, even if he’s there with me.” Frank replied. He was getting really fucking tired of those dreams. He just wanted to _sleep_ for fuck’s sake. He had shitty enough health without total lack of sleep being thrown on there.

 

Dr. Williams opened her mouth as if she was going to say something, but stopped after glancing at the clock. She made a disappointed noise before flashing a small smile at Frank. “Time is up, Frank. This was a good session, we’ll continue where we left off next Tuesday. Don’t be late.” She gave him a serious stare, as usual, before he got up to leave.

 

He really shouldn’t have been so surprised when he walked out of the therapist’s office to find Gerard hunched over the receptionists desk, drawing another one of his sketches. Frank grinned at the sight of him and walked up, leaning over a bit to attempt a peak at the drawing.

 

“Don’t you ever do any actual work, Gee?” Frank said, snickering a bit. Gerard lifted his head up from his art, his trademark lopsided grin spreading across his face.

 

“Frankie!” He leapt up, pressing his lips against Frank’s, hard but quick. “Did you have a good session? Did you talk about me?”

 

“Doctor-Patient confidentiality, you fucking Nosy Nancy.” Frank grinned back at the beautiful dark haired boy in front of him before pressing their lips together again. “Are you staying at my place again tonight?”

 

Gerard nodded and hummed a “mhmm” in reply as he sunk back into his seat behind the desk, moving some papers around. “Mikey’s coming with…to see Pete.”

 

Frank cringed as images of opening the door to bare fucking asses flashed across his mind again. He shook it off, but those stupid memories still lingered. “Fuckin Christ. Pete and Mikey are _fucking_.” He ran a hand through his hair, letting out a frustrated breath.

 

“Yes, yes the definitely are.” Gerard said matter-of-factly, not even looking up from riffling through a stack of papers.

 

“That’s gonna work out well.” Frank shook his head and Gerard let out a small laugh in reply. Frank reached over the desk, touching his hand to Gerard’s for a moment. “I’ll see you tonight, Gee.”

 

They said their goodbyes and twenty minutes later, Frank was opening his front door to none other than Pete lounging across the couch. When he saw Frank walk in the door, he shot up into a sitting position, looking extremely nervous.

 

“Hey, Pete. I thought you were leaving for tour?” Frank said, cautiously.

 

“Not until tomorrow.” Pete replied softly, refusing to meet eyes with Frank. _Alright, this is fucking weird. What happened to my asshole roommate?_

 

“What’s going on?” Frank said, moving towards the couch to sit next to Pete.

 

Pete took a deep breath before looking over at Frank, meeting his eyes. “We need to talk about Mikey.”

 

Frank didn’t say anything, just stared back at him in reply, waiting for him to continue. He knew what this was about and he really fucking wished he was not about to have this conversation. He’d already had one awkward conversation today, he did not need another one. Especially not with _Pete_ of all people. Frank could only imagine the shit that was about to come spewing out of that dude’s mouth.

 

“I’m…shit, well, Frank, I kind of am…” Pete stumbled over his words, letting out a few frustrated grunts. “I think I’m fucking in love with Mikey, alright?” He finally let out.

 

Frank just stared back, his eyes growing wide. He was honestly trying to hold back the relief that he wasn’t the one accidently making random ass proclamations of love in this apartment. _But Pete is in love with Mikey? What the fuck is going on in the world?_ “Already?” That was all Frank could think to say. Master of words, he was.

 

“Not really…” Pete trailed off, but Frank kept staring at him, not letting him get away with that reply. “I’ve kind of had a thing for him for a long time now. A really fucking long time, actually.” He looked away from Frank, bringing up a hand to scratch his neck nervously.

 

“Why the fuck didn’t you ever tell me?” Frank said, actually offended by it.

 

“I knew he fucking liked you. It was super obvious. Except for you, the most clueless guy on the goddamn planet. I knew it was pointless.” Pete shrugged, glancing back up at him.

 

“Then what the fuck changed? How are you guys together now?” Frank asked.

 

“He showed up the other day after you and Gerard told him about you know, you two fucking. He was just really upset and I don’t know, he came to me to comfort him or some shit. We were just talking and next thing I know, we’re making out. And then we were doing more, and—“

 

“—Alright, please don’t finish, I get it. I saw it in action.” Frank cut him off, holding up a hand, gesturing him to stop.

 

“He kept showing up after that night, wanting more.” Pete continued in a soft voice. “I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you so fucking bad, but he didn’t want me too. I’m so sorry Frank.” He looked back at Frank with worried, apologetic eyes.

 

“Fuck, _Pete_ , it’s okay. I’m not mad or anything. It’s just fucking _weird_.” Frank replied, laughing a bit. Pete relaxed at his words, letting out a short laugh in reply.

 

“Yeah, I know. It’s really fucking weird.” Pete said, grinning back at Frank.

 

\------

 

It wasn’t until late that the Way brothers showed up at Frank’s apartment. And he was fucking nervous. But not even about Gerard, even though that guy still had the ability to make Frank’s heart stop just from walking in the damn door. No, this time he was nervous about Mikey. He’d barely even seen Mikey since the other day’s complete disaster. His talk with Pete had made him feel a little bit better, but even though Mikey was fucking Pete, that didn’t mean he was still okay about Frank being with Gerard.

 

But when the knock on the door came late that night, Frank didn’t even get the chance to talk to Mikey or attempt to see how he felt about the situation before Gerard had grabbed his hand and led him back to Frank’s bedroom, closing the door behind them and slamming Frank up against it. Gerard didn’t give Frank a moment of warning before he was pressed up against him, their lips pressed together. Frank was so caught off guard he couldn’t even think straight, but god, did he _not fucking care._

 

Frank wrapped his arms around Gerard’s neck, attempting to pull him even closer, if that was even possible. The next few minutes were filled with desperate kisses, right up until Frank had to reluctantly pull away for air. Gerard didn’t pause for a second, using the break in kisses to quickly start undressing him. Before Frank had even caught his breath, he was completely naked and Gerard was pressed up against him again.

 

Frank tried to concentrate as Gerard pressed kisses to his shoulder and neck, their bodies moving against each other, skin against fabric. It would have hurt if he wasn’t so damn turned on. But he needed to ask something and he needed to ask it now before he lost any ability to form coherent thought. Which was definitely not far away. “Gerard, why—“ He let out a desperate whine as Gerard bit at his earlobe. “Why now? What were you fucking waiting for?”

 

Gerard let out a frustrated grunt, but didn’t answer. He just moved his hand down Frank’s body, a finger trailing down his skin, until he got to his dick. He wrapped a hand around it and started stroking it gently, letting out a short snicker at Frank’s gasps.

 

“Gee, _fuck_.” Frank whined, losing that ability to form coherent thought a hell of a lot quicker than he was expected. Gerard gave him a devious grin that was fucking _hot as all hell_ , which just got Frank going even more, before he moved to his knees in front of Frank.

 

Gerard slid his tongue over the head his dick and Frank let his head fall back against the door with a thud, letting out a pathetic whine. This was new, this was _so fucking new_. And yet Gerard seemed to know exactly what Frank needed. It was practically impossible for him to think with the feel of Gerard’s warm mouth around him, but at this point he didn’t care. He didn’t want to ever think about anything other than Gerard again.

 

Frank let out a moan and latched a hand onto Gerard’s hair as he moved his tongue in just the right way. Gerard kept moving just how Frank liked, exactly when he needed it, causing him to rock deeper into his mouth and moan even louder.

 

“Fuck, Gee, I’m there.” Gerard eased back as Frank whined before he came, pulling desperately at Gerard’s hair as he let out another moan.

 

Frank had barely caught his breath or even been able to think a single damn thought before Gerard was upright and pressing their lips together again. But the kisses were softer this time, more caring and less desperate. It just made Frank want him closer than ever.

 

“I wanted to know if it was real.” Gerard said quietly, pulling back from the kiss.

 

“If what was real?” Frank replied, confused. He was still barely thinking straight. It was hard to focus on anything other than _holy shit Gerard just gave me a blowjob_.

 

“This.” Gerard moved his hand back and forth, motioning between the two of them.

 

Frank frowned back at him, still confused. “What do you mean? Of course it’s fucking real. I told you…” He paused, not wanting to have to say it for a _third fucking time_. “I said I was in love with you, Gee.”

 

“And now I know you really meant it.” Gerard replied, that lopsided grin of his that Frank loved so much spreading across his face. They kissed again and Frank made a mental note to try his best not to screw this up.

 

A half an hour later and Frank was showered and sitting in bed, waiting for Gerard to return from his shower while he wrote in his journal. Frank was trying not to go crazy thinking about everything going on. His life was so fucking different from a month ago; he thought his head was going to explode. Luckily, his brain was saved by Gerard walking back into the room. He was wearing that ‘homophobia is gay’ shirt of Frank’s again, which just made Frank grin from across the room.

 

Gerard returned his smile with a slightly confused one. “What are you smiling at, Frankie?”

 

Frank let out a small laugh in reply, shaking his head a bit. “I love you in that shirt. Actually, I love you in any of my clothes.”

 

Gerard’s cheeks flushed with red a bit before he walked across the room and sat in bed next to Frank. “You love me _no matter_ _what_ , remember?” Gerard grinned and pressed a kiss to Frank’s cheek.

 

Frank let out a “mhmm”, attempting to hold back the huge fucking grin that was trying to escape his lips at the moment. Gerard leaned over to get a look at the notebook in Frank’s hands. “What’s that?”

 

“Just something I have to do for therapy.” Frank replied, but paused his writing, afraid that Gerard would try to read it. But Gerard just let out an “ah” before sliding down to lay in bed, pulling the covers over his body as he rolled onto his side, facing away from Frank.

 

It was silent for a bit and Frank began writing again, but after a few moments Gerard spoke up, barely audible next to him. “I love you too, Frankie.”

 

Frank couldn’t hold back a grin this time, his heart skipping a beat at Gerard’s words. He stayed silent for a second before leaning over to kiss him on the cheek and whisper in his ear. “I fucking knew you did, Gee.”

 

\-------

 

**Journal Entry 23**

 

_I don’t even care about the dreams at this point.  
I have Gerard. He loves me. I love him._

_That’s all I will ever care about.  
I can deal with the dreams as long as I have him._

_Frank_

\---------

 

“So I’m gone for like five days and _everything_ fucking happens.” Ray said over the phone to Frank the next day. He had worked late that day and at this point just wanted to be home and with Gerard in bed.

 

Frank laughed. “Sorry, dude. Things move fast over here at the Iero/Wentz estate. If you don’t pay close attention, you might miss shit.” He grinned as Ray laughed on the other end.

 

“Yeah, I can see that.” He let out a deep breath. “So Mikey and Pete are _sleeping_ together? What in the world?”

 

“ _Fooling around_ , as Mikey explained it. Little does he know, Pete’s fucking in love with the guy. “ Frank replied as he walked down the hall of his apartment building towards his door.

 

“Well that’s gonna go well.” Ray replied solemnly.

 

Frank let out another short laugh, shaking his head as he fumbled with his keys. “Yeah, you’re telling me. I’m actually interested in seeing how that works out.”

 

“You’ll have to keep me updated. Don’t just stop talking to me this time, you asshat. I can’t be over there in that apartment with all of you 24/7. I need a messenger or something.” Ray grumbled on the other line.

 

“Alright, alright. Chill the fuck out, Ray. I’ll let you know what’s going on from now on. Things just got fucking crazy.” Frank said as he finally got his door unlocked and was walking in the front door. “Hey, I just got home, I gotta go. I’ll call you later, dude.”

 

They said their goodbyes just as Frank was closing the door behind him. The apartment was pretty dark, so at first he assumed that he was the only one home. But then he noticed familiar pair of boots lying carefully by the couch. That was when he heard low voices, Frank could barely make them out, but he could tell it was Mikey and Pete. They were in Pete’s room.

 

Frank set down his keys quietly and walked towards Pete’s room. He knew that eavesdropping on their conversation was definitely not the greatest thing a best friend and roommate could do, but he just couldn’t fucking help himself. And they _left the goddamn door open for fuck’s sake_. He moved over to the wall next to the door, pressing himself against it so that he could somewhat see into the room without Pete and Mikey being able to see him. At least he hoped they couldn’t see him.

 

They were both on the bed with each other. Pete was stretched out with Mikey curled up, sitting cross legged next to him. Mikey was in the middle of talking about something that Frank had been too late to catch. Mikey was staring down at his hands and Pete was staring straight at him. He looked nervous.

 

“Mikey, I need to talk to you about something.” Pete suddenly interrupted in an urgent tone.

 

Mikey looked up at him, hesitating a moment before speaking. “Okay?” He said uncertainly.

 

Pete pulled himself up on the bed so he was sitting upright, facing Mikey. He wouldn’t drop his gaze from Mikey’s face. _He’s really in love with that kid._ “What is…” Pete spoke, but hesitated. “What is whatever we’re doing?”

 

Mikey was silent for a while, dropping his gaze from Pete to his hands for a beat and then back up to Pete’s face again. “I don’t know, Pete. We’re just having fun.” He shrugged and looked back down at his hands again.

 

Pete let out a short, morose laugh, running a hand through his hair. He was upset, _really_ upset. “Just having fun? _What the fuck_?” Pete groaned out.

 

Mikey frowned deeply, his confusion clear on his face as he stared up at him. “What do you want from me, Pete?”

 

Pete let out another unamused laugh and got up from the bed, starting to pace around the room. “What do I _want from you, Mikey_?” He growled back angrily, turning to face him. “I want _you_ , you dumb motherfucker!”

 

“I…you… _what_?” Mikey stumbled over his words, obviously completely taken aback.

 

“I’m fucking _crazy_ about you, Mikey!” Pete yelled back at him. “You’re all I think about, you’re all I dream about, you’re all I fucking _write_ about. Every damn song is about you, Mikey. I can’t get you out of my head!” Pete’s voice broke and he collapsed onto his knees in total defeat.

 

Frank suddenly felt like he shouldn’t be watching this, like he was definitely invading the conversation at this point. But he couldn’t tear himself away as Mikey slowly pulled himself off the bed, walking over to Pete and kneeling in front of him. He just stayed there, silent, for a moment before placing a hand on Pete’s cheek.

 

“You wrote all those songs about _me_?” Mikey finally said, his voice barely audible to Frank.

 

Pete lifted his head to meet Mikey’s eyes. He looked broken, barely any hope left in his eyes. “Every last damn one.” He replied, a smile teasing the corners of his mouth.

 

“Pete…” Mikey said quietly, just staring at him for a moment as he stroked Pete’s cheek with his thumb. Then he was pressing his lips against Pete’s, and Frank knew that it was definitely time for him to stop eavesdropping.

 

Frank quietly moved across the room, careful so that they wouldn’t see or hear him. Of course, that was nearly ruined by Gerard walking in the front door. Frank quickly moved towards him, motioning for him to keep quiet before grabbing his hand and pulling him into his bedroom.

 

“Frank, what the fuck?” Gerard said after Frank had finally closed to door behind him. Frank let out a huge sigh and collapsed against Gerard, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his head on his chest.

 

“I’m so exhausted.” Frank replied against Gerard’s body. Gerard hesitated, but eventually wrapped his arms around Frank, placing a kiss on the top of his head.

 

“Tell me all about it, Frankie.” Gerard said softly, holding Frank tight.

 

\------

 

The next few days went by quickly, though Frank never wanted them to end. Gerard had almost ran across the apartment to Pete’s room after Frank had told him what he’d seen. But Frank knew they’d talk to him and Gerard when they were ready. Besides, Frank just wanted some time with Gerard without any drama for once. Maybe that was selfish of him, but so be it. He really didn’t give a fuck.

 

It wasn’t until Saturday that Frank finally decided to let Gerard out of his room for more than school or work. Gerard had made a very convincing case about needing more supplies for his drawing as well as clothes because he had been wearing Frank’s for two days. Frank really didn’t mind Gerard wearing his clothes, in fact he _preferred_ it, but he wasn’t going to deny him drawing supplies. So he had generously agreed to stop clinging to Gerard for a whole day while he went back to his apartment.

 

Of course, Sunday morning came around and Frank was pretty much having fucking withdrawal from Gerard after having a completely sleepless night without him in his bed.

 

“I think I need you more than fucking nicotine at this point.” Frank said to him over the phone around lunchtime that day after completely failing to resist the urge to call him.

 

Gerard laughed softly on the other end and Frank could practically _feel_ his lopsided grin from across the phone. “Come over here tonight then, Frankie. I miss you.”

 

Frank’s heart skipped a beat at his words and he stayed silent for a moment, trying to contain himself before speaking again. “I miss you too, Gee.” He finally let out, holding himself back from screaming out an _I fucking love you_ across the line.

 

“And now that you bring it up, bring some cigarettes too. I just ran out. And they’re great for after sex.” Gerard said in a voice that Frank just _knew_ was accompanied by a shit eating grin.

 

“Jesus Christ.” Frank let out, feeling the urge to just run right over to Gerard’s apartment at that very moment.

 

Gerard just giggled in reply across the phone and Frank’s heart skipped a beat again. He was going to have to get his heart checked if this kept happening.

 

“Be here in two hours.” Gerard said. Frank agreed, silently cursing to himself that he was going to have to wait two whole fucking hours before seeing him, before saying goodbye and hanging up the phone.

 

The next two hours of waiting was spent lying on the couch attempting to push away the need to jerk off before he finally saw that it was an acceptable time to leave. Fifteen minutes later he was walking out the door and headed for Gerard’s apartment, cigarettes in hand.

 

Mikey had been staying with Pete just as long as Gerard had been staying with Frank, so he knew that the apartment would be empty for them to do whatever they wanted without interruption. _And to be as loud as they wanted without interruption._ But he still didn’t expect the apartment to look so dark and empty from the outside when he got to the complex.

 

When he walked up to the door, he knocked a few times, but no one answered after five minutes. He tried the door handle and the door pushed open, completely unlocked. He thought that was odd, but went in anyways, closing the door behind him. When he got inside, he saw why it had looked so dark from the street. All the lights were off but the entire apartment was covered in lit candles. Frank grinned to himself and called out Gerard’s name, but didn’t get a reply back.

 

That was when he noticed a line of rose petals on the ground leading to another room. It was so fucking cheesy, which was usually the opposite of Frank’s style. But he couldn’t help but fucking _love the shit out of it_. Slowly, he followed the rose petals which ended up leading to the bathroom where he saw—

 

Gerard was lying on the ground.

 

He was surrounded by blood.

 

_So much fucking blood._

 

“Gerard?!” Frank yelled out, running to Gerard’s body. He knelt beside him, his jeans quickly getting soaked in blood. Frank pulled his limp body into his arms, holding him close as he yelled out Gerard’s name again. That was when he noticed that all the blood was coming from his stomach. He he’d been stabbed. _Fuck someone stabbed Gee._

 

Frank shook his body, screaming out his name again. But there was no reply and there wasn’t going to be a reply. He called 911 in a daze, not even really knowing what words were coming out of his mouth.

 

He held Gerard’s body close while he waited for the ambulance to show up. He held him close, not even noticing the blood soaking his clothes or the tears streaming down his face. He just rocked back and kept repeating the same words over and over again. “I was supposed to save you…I was supposed to save you…I was supposed to save you.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was silent for a while as Gerard continued making tea. Frank just watched him in silence. After Gerard had finished with the tea, he finally broke the quiet. “I didn’t ask for anything from you, you know? I didn’t ask for you to give me your whole life like this.” He didn’t even turn to face him when spoke, he just spoke into the tea. Frank wished he would turn, he needed to see the face behind all that dark hair. 
> 
> “Then how come I feel like I want to give you everything I am?” Frank replied in a small voice, watching him from across the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part is quite a bit shorter and technically "the end". Next part will all be after-the-fact parts.

A week passed; somehow feeling like it was taking centuries while also moving in some sort of slow haze. Mikey, and Pete didn’t leave Gerard’s bedside. Not through the surgeries or the doctor visits or the nurse visits. He wasn’t waking up though, it had been a week and Gerard still wasn’t awake.

 

Frank vaguely remembered a doctor saying something like “You saved his life. If you had found him a minute later, he would have died.” But he didn’t really _hear_ his words. Because Gerard still wasn’t awake.

 

Mikey at least had Pete to hold him and to comfort him. Pete had called his band and said he was going to be missing shows until Gerard woke up. He was losing a lot of money and his band mates were pissed at first, but he didn’t seem to care about that. All he seemed to care about was Mikey. Frank admired that, but it also made him hurt so much he could barely handle it. Mikey had Pete, but all Frank had was a lifeless Gerard. But he kept quiet, just holding onto Gerard’s hand and waiting. That was all he could do.

 

“We’ll know more after he wakes up. The sooner, the better.” The doctor had said after seven and a half days of Gerard not waking up had passed. Pete had asked him something about how Gerard was doing, how he was holding up. Like it was just a simple, routine doctor appointment that Gerard was in the hospital for. Frank bit his lip, attempting not to curse him out. It wasn’t Pete’s fault, he was just asking. Frank was just going crazy.

 

“Frank? How are you doing?” Mikey asked quietly a few hours later in a soft voice. It was late; at least Frank thought it was late. He didn’t have much sense of time at this point, everything moved like he was stuck underwater.

 

“I’m fine.” Frank answered in a monotonous tone, never looking away from Gerard.

 

“Maybe you should go home and get some sleep.” Pete said slowly and cautiously.

 

“No.” Frank snapped back. “I can’t leave him.”

 

It was silent for a moment, tension high in the room. “I love him too, you know.” Mikey finally spoke in a quiet, broken voice. Frank finally dropped his gaze from Gerard to look over at Mikey on the other side of the bed. His eyes were red and puffy, but he was staring right at Frank.

 

“I know, Mikey.” Frank said apologetically, reaching across the bed for his hand. “I know.” He repeated when Mikey reached back, grabbing his hand and giving it a squeeze.

 

Another two and a half days passed without any developments, making it ten days that Gerard had not been awake. The doctors were beginning to look nervous, though of course they wouldn’t talk to any of them about it. Pete had somehow convinced Mikey to go get some coffee with him, leaving Frank alone in the room with Gerard.

 

Frank hadn’t slept in ten days, at least not really. The most he had gotten was when he’d unwillingly passed out next to Gerard’s bed for a few hours. He didn’t want to sleep; he needed to be awake in case he woke up. But today was one of those days that his body was just not taking any of his shit. Before he could even try to argue, he was passed out with his head resting on Gerard’s still leg.

 

But his dreams were only filled with nightmares. They weren’t the same as the dreams about Gerard that he’d had before the incident. These nightmares were all memory. The same memory, actually. He just kept reliving finding Gerard bleeding out on the bathroom floor. No matter what, he couldn’t stop it from happening. No matter what, he always found Gerard dying. Always.

 

_I was supposed to save you. Don’t die, please don’t leave me. I was supposed to save you._

 

“Frankie?” Frank was startled awake by the soft sound of a familiar voice. But not just any familiar voice.

 

Gerard’s voice.

 

Frank sat up, staring with wide eyes at Gerard, not entirely sure if he had just dreamed hearing his voice. But Gerard’s eyes were open, and he was staring right at him.

 

“Frankie?” He repeated in a quiet, confused voice. “What happened?” Frank just stared back at him, his mind completely blank of everything except _he’s alive, he’s alive, Gerard’s alive, he’s fucking alive_.

 

“Fuck, Gerard.” Frank finally said, his eyes welling up with tears. “Don’t you ever fucking do that to me again.” He said roughly and leaned forward to carefully wrap Gerard in his arms. He never wanted to let go of him again.

 

Suddenly Frank heard a crash followed quickly by a splash of liquid. He reluctantly let go of Gerard to turn to see what had caused the noise. Mikey was standing in the doorway; his hands open out in front of him. Frank looked down at Mikey’s feet. Coffee cups. Mikey had dropped two full coffee cups.

 

“Gerard? Are you really awake?” Mikey said in a completely disbelieving voice.

 

“I guess so.” Gerard replied with a confused frown. Mikey practically ran across the room to pull Gerard in a tight hug, loosening only when Gerard let out a pained noise. Gerard wrapped an arm around Mikey’s body, holding him tight, but let his free hand reach for Frank’s hand. Frank quickly grabbed onto his hand, watching him closely, not wanting to ever let him out of his sight again. He looked so lost, so confused.

 

But he was awake. Gerard was awake and that was all Frank cared about.

 

\------

 

“So, he’s okay?” Mikey repeated for the millionth time that day. He knew that he just wanted Gerard to be alright, but Frank was about to chew his head off.

 

“Your brother is fine. When he was brought in, he was in very bad condition. But I was able to track the path of the weapon used to stab him—“ Both Mikey and Frank cringed at that word. “—to determine any organ or anatomical structures that were damaged in the incident. He has no more internal bleeding. He really is okay.” Although Frank had heard the doctor’s reply about a thousand times, he couldn’t help but feel relieved to hear it again. _Gerard is okay._

 

“So I can go home?” Gerard softly spoke for the first time in hours, making everyone look over at him. His cheeks flushed from the sudden attention. They couldn’t help it, he had been disturbingly quiet since he had woken up two days ago.

 

“You can go home. But someone is going to have to be there to help you at all times.” The doctor replied seriously. “Things are going to be hard to do on your own for a while.” Gerard nodded in reply.

 

“We’ll take care of him, doctor.” Mikey replied with a satisfied smile on his face.

 

“Good. You should understand how fortunate you are to be alive, Mr. Way.” The doctor stepped toward Gerard, placing a comforting hand on his arm. “If Mr. Iero hadn’t found you when he did, you might not have been so lucky.”

 

Gerard’s lips curled into a small smile in reply and grabbed onto Frank’s hand, giving it a squeeze. “I know, I’m grateful.” Gerard looked over at Frank, but Frank looked away immediately, not wanting to meet his gaze. From the corner of his eye, he saw Gerard’s smile turn into a small, confused frown.

 

“But before you go,” The doctor started, making both of them glance back up at him. “You’re going to have to talk to the police. They still need your statement.” Gerard let out a deep, worried sigh with a nod as the doctor walked out the door. Frank saw how nervous Gerard got and squeezed his hand, finally meeting his eye.

 

“Thank you, Frank.” Gerard said softly with a smile. Frank could see the tiniest flicker of fear in his eyes. He wished he could take that away somehow. Make him feel safe again. But he couldn’t do anything to help him.

 

“Don’t thank me. I didn’t do anything. Nothing good, anyway.” Frank grumbled out, breaking Gerard’s gaze to look down at his feet.

 

“You saved my life!” Gerard replied, louder than anyone expected, making everyone jump.

 

“We’re, uh, gonna go…do something.” Pete said awkwardly, stumbling over his words. He grabbed onto Mikey’s hand and pulled him out of the room, ignoring his protests.

 

Gerard and Frank sat in silence. Frank could feel Gerard’s frustrated gaze on him, but he couldn’t bring himself to look back. He thought he might break under the weight of the stare. He probably deserved it.

 

“You saved my life.” Gerard repeated, this time in a soft, soothing voice. It almost made Frank cry. He’d missed that voice so much the past two weeks.

 

“No, I didn’t. It’s my fault. It wouldn’t have even happened if I hadn’t let you go home. Or if I would have come over earlier. Or god, if I had just come with you. _I could have stopped it._ It’s all my fucking fault.” Frank tore his hand out of Gerard’s, leaning forward and burying his face in his hands. He started rocking back and forth. He was losing it. He could feel it, but he couldn’t stop it from happening.

 

A warm hand touched his back, calming him. “I’m alive, Frank. I’m okay. None of it was your fault. You didn’t know, _you couldn’t have known_.” Gerard spoke softly, stroking his back. Then his other hand was on Frank’s face, forcing him to look up at him. “ _You saved my life._ ” He repeated a third time, never breaking eye contact.

 

Frank leapt forward, pulling Gerard into his arms, but carefully so he didn’t hurt him. “I’m so fucking glad you’re okay. I love you so much, Gee.” He whispered into his hair as Gerard wrapped his arms around Frank’s body.

 

“I always knew you did, Frankie,”

 

\-------

 

“Let’s start at the day of the attack.” The officer started. He was tall and strong looking with a never changing serious look on his face. He was actually pretty hot, Frank definitely felt safer with him in the room. That is until Gerard caught him staring and gave his arm a hard pinch. Frank let out a yelp in pain, followed by a few muttered apologies as everyone stared at him. Gerard, of course, had a pleased as fuck look on his face as Frank returned to staring at his feet.

 

“So…” The officer began again, turning his attention back to Gerard. “Mr. Iero said that you had been at your apartment all day?” He gestured to Frank when saying his name and Frank looked up at Gerard.

 

“Yeah, we…” Gerard began, but hesitated, glancing cautiously over at Frank. “I was working on a project for school.” He looked back up at the officer.

 

“And then what?”

 

“Frank called me…” He said, staring at some unknown place behind the officer. “We made plans to meet. He was supposed to meet me at the apartment two hours later.”

 

“And you decorated your apartment how we found it?” The officer continued, writing down some notes in a notepad after Gerard nodded in reply. “Who was that for?”

 

Gerard’s face turned tomato red at the question. He stumbled over his words. It was cute to watch him caught off guard for once. “Uh…well, it was, um…” He looked over at Frank desperately for help.

 

“It was for me.” Frank spoke out, raising a hand like he was a second grader getting called for attendance.

 

“Oh.” The officer said, realization passing over his expression as he looked back and forth between Gerard and Frank. “So you decorated the apartment for Mr. Iero.” He continued after barely a pause. “What happened next?”

 

“I waited for a while.” Gerard said, staring off at another unknown point. “But then I was going to get into the bath. The bath that I had made…for Frank and I, so that he…” He hesitated again, he cheeks returning to the same shade of red. “So he would find me in the bath. That’s where the petals led.” Frank squeezed his hand, maybe a bit too hard, remembering the trail of petals.

 

“So you went to the bathroom…” The officer said, moving him along.

 

“I went to the bathroom and…” He paused again. He looked terrified. It took everything Frank had not to just the kick the officer right out of the room, to stop making Gerard remember. “There was someone in the bathroom.” His voice was so quiet, so scared. Frank squeezed his hand again in an attempt to comfort him.

 

“Can you describe the person?” The officer replied in an unaffected voice. It made Frank angry.

 

“He was…big.” Gerard said, closing his eyes like it was helping him remember. “He was taller than me. Stronger than me. He reeked of…mints.” A tear slipped from his eye, making its way down his cheek. It broke Frank’s heart.

 

“Mints?” The officer asked, pausing his note taking.

 

“Like Altoids or something.” Gerard shook his head a bit, opening his eyes and starting down at his hands.

 

“Can you describe the man’s face?” The officer continued without a beat.

 

Gerard shook his head again, more prominently this time. “I didn’t see his face. He had a mask on.” He let out a small sigh and Frank squeezed his hand for a third time.

 

“Is that all you can think of? Nothing else we should know about, Mr. Way?” The officer said as he tucked his notepad into his jacket pocket.

 

Gerard shook his head again. “No, there’s nothing else.”

 

“I should let you know, that often times we aren’t able to find the perp in these situations. Without having any description of his face…there’s not much we can do.” He gave Gerard an apologetic look.

 

Gerard nodded in reply, looking down at his hands. “Okay, thank you.”

 

“If there’s anything you remember, please call me.” He replied, handing a business card to Gerard before walking out the door.

 

“That was awful.” Gerard said after a few moments of silence, staring down at the card in his hand. Frank rubbed his hand with his thumb, trying to comfort him.

 

“I know, Gee.” He replied softly. “But it’s all over now.”

 

\------

 

“Where do you think you’re going?” Frank said, watching as Gerard started carefully sliding his feet off the bed.

 

“I’m going to the kitchen.” Gerard replied shortly.

 

“Fuck no you aren’t.” Frank replied, touching his arm and pushing him back onto the bed with care. “What do you need in the kitchen? I’ll get it for you.”

 

“Are you also going to piss for me and eat all my food for me too, Frank?” Gerard snapped back at him.

 

It had been three weeks after the… _incident_. Frank refused to even think the words ‘stabbing’, it was too much to even think about. Frank had been staying at Gerard and Mikey’s apartment the entire time, only leaving for work and to get stuff from his place. The doctor had said that he needed to be taken care of, and Frank was doing exactly that. He wasn’t going to let Gerard get any more hurt because he was sleeping in a bed across town from him. Especially since they hadn’t caught the guy who stabbed him, and probably never would.

 

That being said, Frank _fucking missed his apartment_. He missed his books, he missed his bed, he missed his cds, and for _fuck’s sake he missed his guitar_. But he loved Gerard more than all those things, so he happily accepted the responsibility of taking care of him. And kept completely quiet about missing his place.  

 

But even though Frank loved Gerard and was happy to take care of him, and he knew that Gerard loved him back and somewhere deep down appreciated the care, things were getting a little edgy in the apartment. By the third week, every time Frank tried to help him with _anything,_ Gerard would snap at him. Frank felt like he just couldn’t win in any situation, but he wasn’t going to complain, not after everything Gerard had been through.

 

“I’m just trying to help, Gee.” Frank spoke softly in reply with a frown, dropping the hand that was placed on his arm.

 

Gerard let out an apologetic sigh, reaching out to grab his hand. “I know, Frankie. I’m sorry. I just…I don’t need constant help. I’m getting better.” He squeezed Frank’s hand tight before letting go of it and sliding out of bed. “See? All good.”

 

Frank shook his head as Gerard grinned widely at him before walking off to the kitchen. He let out a deep breath, followed by a frustrated groan before following after him to the kitchen.

He leaned on the door frame with his arms crossed as he watched Gerard started making tea. He was wearing one of Frank’s shirts again, somehow, even though he hadn’t been to his apartment in over a month. But Frank definitely wasn’t complaining.

 

“I just want to make sure you don’t get hurt again.” Frank said after a while, still watching Gerard move gracefully around the kitchen. “If anything like that happened again…” His voice went quiet and he looked down at the ground. “I couldn’t forgive myself, Gee, I—“

 

“—Frank, stop.” Gerard interrupted him, pausing what he was doing to walk over to him, placing a hand on his chin and forcing his head up to meet his eyes. “Nothing is going to happen. I am okay. _You saved my life. I am alive._ ” Gerard repeated what he had said three weeks ago in the hospital.

 

He was right. He was alive. It was still hard for Frank to believe that this wasn’t all just a dream. But Gerard was alive, he was real, and he was standing right in front of him. Frank finally let out a small smile and Gerard smiled back, satisfied. He pressed a quick kiss to Frank’s lips before walking back to what he was doing.

 

It was silent for a while as Gerard continued making tea. Frank just watched him in silence. After Gerard had finished with the tea, he finally broke the quiet. “I didn’t ask for anything from you, you know? I didn’t ask for you to give me your whole life like this.” He didn’t even turn to face him when spoke, he just spoke into the tea. Frank wished he would turn, he needed to see the face behind all that dark hair.

 

“Then how come I feel like I want to give you everything I am?” Frank replied in a small voice, watching him from across the kitchen.

 

There was another long moment of silence; it was like everything was standing still. Then Gerard shook his head a bit, like he was trying to shake something off. He grabbed both cups of tea and turned handing one to Frank, starting to walk past him. But he paused, and looked up at Frank for a moment, meeting his eyes.

 

“I want to give you everything I am too.” He said softly, and then walked out of the kitchen and back into the bedroom. Frank couldn’t help but smile a bit to himself, before following behind him.

 

\------

 

“So, your dreams, you’re still having them?” Dr. Williams asked the next Tuesday in therapy. Frank hadn’t wanted to go, he didn’t want to leave Gerard. But Gerard had insisted, and Frank knew he probably needed some alone time anyway, so he hadn’t argued. He didn’t want to have to talk about the incident, and he definitely didn’t want to talk about the fact that saving Gerard had done nothing to get rid of his stupid dreams.

 

“Yep, they’re still in there. Turns out doing exactly what the dreams told you to do is not a way to get rid of them.” He replied curtly, staring down at his hands.

 

“Recurring dreams of rescuing someone are often representing something in yourself that needs saving.” Williams said, making Frank look up at her. _Something in myself? What the fuck do I need saving from?_  “Often times, the dream has nothing to do with the person you are trying to save. It is a trait within you that needs the saving. The dreams are a cry for help from your mind.”

 

Frank sat back on the couch, staring at Williams in disbelief. “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me this straight from the beginning?”

 

Williams shot him an angry look for his tone. Frank couldn’t care less. “I was interested in Gerard showing up in your life after the dream’s started. I wanted to see how it played in.” She finally replied, giving him one of her creepy ass all knowing looks that he hated so much.

 

“Well how the fuck do you think he plays into it?” Frank asked, actually interested this time. But she ignored his question and moved on.

 

“I think you need to take a hard look at your life, Frank. All parts of it, _including Gerard_. Find out what you really want. Find out what you’re missing, what you _need_. In other terms, find out _what will save you_.” Williams said seriously, pausing for a moment before giving a quick glance at the clock. Time’s up. She closed her notebook and sat back at her seat.

 

_What I need? What will save me? How in the hell should I know?_ Frank had no fucking clue how to take Williams’ words. He just wanted to get out of that room. He quickly said his goodbyes and left, after a reminder about next week’s appointment, of course. He quickly left the building, practically running out of there. Something Williams had said just shook him to the core. _Including Gerard._ What did that even mean? Was she trying to say that he should leave Gerard? That wasn’t going to fucking happen.

 

Frank looked at his phone:

 

**Gee:**  
1:45: _Meet me at your apartment after therapy.  
_ 1:46: _And yes. I am okay._   
1:46: _I managed to make it a whole 15 minute car ride to your apartment._  
1:46: _Amazing, I know._

 

Frank laughed softly to himself and headed towards his apartment. About twenty minutes later and he was walking in the front door to find Pete and Mikey sitting on the couch with Gerard standing across the room from them, his arms crossed across his chest, with an angry look on his face. It was such a ridiculous scene to walk in on that Frank had to keep himself from laughing.

 

“Everything okay here?” Frank said, looking back and forth between all three of them. He had to bite his lip to keep from smiling again as Pete gave him a sheepish look from the couch.

 

“No, Frank, everything is _not_ okay.” Gerard replied, glaring at them.

 

“What’s going on?” He replied, shutting the door behind him and walking towards him.

 

“I came here to get your guitar and some books for you, because I _know_ you miss them.” Gerard started, looking over him. Frank gave a loving smile in reply, but Gerard snapped his gaze back to Pete and Mikey on the couch. “But I walked in on _them_ fucking all over the apartment.”

 

Mikey blushed, but kept a calm look on his face as Frank turned his gaze on them. Pete, of course, was a complete mess. He looked like a toddler getting yelled at. “ _All over the apartment?_ Come on, guys. I paid for most of this shit. Now I’m gonna have to burn it all.” Frank tried not to grin, but failed, and Mikey let out a small giggle which just made Frank giggle back.

 

“This is not funny!” Gerard yelled at both of them, just making them laugh even more. Pete was obviously holding back laughter of his own, but he was terrified of Gerard for some reason, which the idea of just made Frank laugh even harder. “Frank!” Gerard yelled out again, hitting his shoulder.

 

“I’m sorry! Alright, I’m sorry.” Frank said, attempting to control himself. “You’re totally right. This isn’t funny. This is serious shit.” Frank attempted to say seriously, but failed, and started laughing again.

 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Gerard growled out and pushed Frank onto the couch next to Mikey before walking to stand in front of them. He gave all three of them an angry look, putting his hands on his hips. Frank and Mikey calmed down, at least as best they could. “You two—” He started, pausing to gesture at Pete and Mikey. “—need to cut this out. If you aren’t going to be serious, then don’t be anything at all. _And you._ ” Gerard turned on Frank with a serious look. Frank couldn’t help but notice how _fucking hot_ it was. “You should find this the least funny of all.”

 

“Me? Why me?” Frank replied, confused.

 

“You wouldn’t even do anything with me until you got Mikey’s blessing! You are more into making things serious than anyone here.” Gerard said, stabbing a finger at him.

 

“Are you fucking serious?” Pete said incredulous, snapping his stare over to Frank. “You waited for _the brother’s blessing, Frank?_ ” He grinned stupidly at him, making Mikey giggle next to him

 

“Oh shut up! It wasn’t just the brother, it was fucking _Mikey._ ” He said angrily, pulling himself off of the couch to stand next to Gerard so he could give Pete a proper yelling at. “Who ended up having a big crush on me, _if you remember correctly._ ” That made both of them shut up quickly.

 

“I’m over you, Frank.” Mikey said sharply under his breath, crossing his arms over his chest. Suddenly looking very like his older brother.

 

“ _Exactly_. But this idiot—“ He gestured to Pete. “—Is not fucking over you. He’s goddamn head over heels for you, you dumbass. So do me a favor and stop screwing him over just because you’re confused. Cause I’ve heard his fucking songs and he’s definitely not confused about you.” Frank finished and took a deep breath. He had to admit, that felt good.

 

Pete’s face looked like a big fucking tomato. He grumbled something under his breath before getting up from the couch and storming into his bedroom. Mikey stood, looking a bit overwhelmed. “Thanks, guys.” But it wasn’t sarcastic, he didn’t even look angry. He just smiled a bit at them before following Pete into his room.

 

“Well that went differently than I expected.” Gerard spoke out after a few moments of silence.

 

Frank turned on him, with a determined look. He had known from the moment he saw him in the apartment that he knew. He _knew_ what he needing in life. Didn’t have to do any looking around at things like Williams had told him. No, fuck that, he _knew_. “Do you love me?” He asked, meeting Gerard’s gaze.

 

“What? Frank, I’ve said…I’ve said before I do.” Gerard said, obviously caught off guard.

 

“ _Listen_ , I am not good with talking about feelings. I don’t _do_ serious relationships, no matter what you may think. I only do _this_ serious fucking relationship. And I fucking love you, okay? And I need to know _for real_ that you love me back. Or else this was all just for nothing. ” Frank said seriously, fighting the urge to look down at his feet or anywhere other than Gerard’s face.

 

Gerard paused for a moment, visibly clueless as to what to say in reply. “Frank I…” He paused again, like he was trying to find the right words to say. That definitely did not sound like the beginning of a good reply, and Frank was suddenly fighting every urge to take back everything he’d said.

 

“I love you, Frank.” Gerard said, surprising him. “I’m just…I’m not very great with showing it. I put all of my emotions into my art; because that’s the only way I know how to express them. But I love you. That’s why I have a notebook full of drawings of you. That’s why every single drawing I’ve done since _meeting_ you has some aspect of you. Because my brain is so fucking full of you.”

 

Frank didn’t say anything for a while, just stared back at Gerard in complete awe. He didn’t think he could ever have loved anyone this one much. He didn’t think it was possible. But fuck, did he love Gerard Way.

 

He pushed himself forward, pressing their lips together desperately, wrapping his arms around Gerard and pulling him as close as was physically possible.

 

“Fucking finally.” A voice spoke suddenly from across the room. Frank didn’t even have to look to know that it was Mikey. But he didn’t care. He gave him the finger, not breaking from Gerard. He heard Mikey laugh and Gerard smiled against his lips.

 

\------

 

**Final Journal Entry**

 

_The dreams are gone. It’s been two weeks since the last one._  
Gerard is here. Mikey is happy.  
I think I’m finally happy.

_Frank_


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Move in with me.” Frank said that night as he sat at the kitchen table watching Gerard doing the dishes. Definitely not staring at his ass while he did the dishes.
> 
> “I kinda thought I already lived with you, Frank.” Gerard replied as he turned off the water to pick up a towel and start drying the clean dishes.
> 
> “I mean for real.” Frank replied as Gerard turned around to look at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final part, my friends. The end to this very first fic of mine. I hope you all enjoyed.
> 
> This part is more of a tiny little "after the fact" part. Enjoy!!
> 
> Shout out once again to my best friend, Jordan (saintwrites), who helped me a lot throughout writing this.  
> This is for you :))

_Three Months Later_

 

“So, you’re living together.” Ray said in a matter of fact tone from across the coffee table. It had been three months since Frank and Gerard’s big feelings talk, and four months since the incident. Frank tried not to think about the latter.

 

“We aren’t living together. He just mainly stays at my place. And either way, Mikey’s always there, even when Pete’s on tour. He’s _always there_. I love the guy, but seriously.” Frank said then took a sip of his coffee.

 

Mikey and Pete had never _officially_ told anyone that they were dating, but everyone knew. Everyone called them _boyfriends_ even though Mikey hated that word and would give you a terrifying look if you ever said it. Pete didn’t seem to mind, he was just happy to have him.

 

Of course, Gerard often would purposely call them boyfriends to Mikey’s face, which would always end up in an hour long fight about it. Mikey would always say something like “respect my choices you asshole” to which Gerard would always reply with “I’ll respect your choices when they aren’t so fucking stupid”. This happened so many times, Frank had lost count. At first, he’d tried to cut in and stop the fight, but then he always ended up getting screamed at. So he had opted out of the peace maker role at this point.

 

“Why doesn’t Pete just move into Mikey’s place and Gerard move into yours?” Ray said in a quiet voice. That was what was great about Ray, he was just always so goddamn _calm_ about things. And on top of that, he was always fucking _right_.

 

“Shit. Yeah, that’s a good idea. It’d definitely make Gee and Mikey stop fighting so goddamn much. My head is starting to hurt the second I see them in a room together.” Frank replied.

 

“That’s me. Full of good ideas.” Ray grinned at him before taking another sip of coffee.

 

\------

 

“Move in with me.” Frank said that night as he sat at the kitchen table watching Gerard doing the dishes. _Definitely not staring at his ass while he did the dishes._

 

“I kinda thought I already lived with you, Frank.” Gerard replied as he turned off the water to pick up a towel and start drying the clean dishes.

 

“I mean for real.” Frank replied as Gerard turned around to look at him.

 

Gerard was quiet for a moment as he dried a pan, staring at Frank from across the room. Finally, he turned to set down the pan and towel, then turned to face Frank again.

 

“This isn’t some left over thing from my stabbing—“ Frank cringed as he said the word. “—where you feel like you have to keep an eye on me all the time, is it? Cause I’m okay. I’m fine. You saved my life.”

 

Frank shook his head with a smile, getting up from the table to walk over to Gerard, placing his hands on his waist. “No, this has nothing to do with that. I just want to be able to know _for fucking sure_ that you’ll always be here when I come home. The knowing that you’re safe and okay is just a bonus.”

 

Gerard was silent for a moment, looking cautiously at Frank, like he wanted to make sure that he wasn’t bullshitting him. “Okay, let’s do it.” He flashed Frank’s favorite lopsided grin and Frank almost melted. He pressed their lips together hard, and started leading Gerard back to the bed room. “What about the dishes?” Gerard broke off the kiss to whine about _dishes,_ of all fucking things.

 

“Fuck the dishes, Gee.” Frank growled back in reply, and pulled him into the bedroom.

 

“Well this wasn’t exactly what I meant by _do it_.” He grinned as Frank shut the door behind him. Frank laughed in reply as he started undressing Gerard. He couldn’t wait until the apartment was officially _theirs_ and didn’t have to close the door every time they decided to fuck. But knowing Pete and Mikey, they’d still show up there at the worst fucking times ever either way.

 

In only a matter of seconds, they were both undressed and Frank was pushing Gerard back onto the bed. Frank paused for a moment so he could take in Gerard’s naked body. He’d seen it plenty of times at this point, but he didn’t think he would ever stop thinking he was the most beautiful thing in the entire universe. Gerard raised an eyebrow at him, and Frank snapped out it, climbing onto the bed on top of him.

 

Frank started kissing him again, pressing their bodies together. He pushed up with his hips, making them both moan. Frank felt like he was going out of his mind. He never wanted to let Gerard go. He broke their kiss, gasping for air, but quickly started kissing his neck and shoulders, stopping to suck in certain spots until he left bruises of his own. He kissed down his chest only pausing when he got to the scar on his stomach.

 

The scar.

 

It was light now, healed against Gerard’s skin, almost looking like a birth mark. But Frank knew what it was; he always knew what it was. Every time he saw it, he remembered. He remembered all the blood, the panic. _Gerard’s body limp in his arms._

 

“Frankie.” Gerard said, pulling himself up so he could place a hand on Frank’s face. He knew what was going on. He always knew. “You saved me, Frankie. Come back to me.”  He smiled at Frank and pulled him on top of him again, pressing their lips together. Frank snapped out of it, coming back to the present. Gerard pressed up against him with his hips, making Frank moan and Gerard grinned against his lips.  

 

“Now, Frankie.” Gerard broke off their kiss and whispered.

 

Frank mumbled “yeah, yeah.” And sat up, leaning over to riffle through one of the drawers of his night stand to grab lube and a condom. Gerard grabbed the condom from his hand, opening the package and sliding it slowly onto Frank. Which practically made Frank lose it right then and there. Then he grabbed the lube from Frank, pouring some on his hand and slicked it onto him slowly. Frank bit his lip, attempting to keep quiet, but a whine escaped, making another grin spread across Gerard’s lips. He started to jerk off Frank properly, making his whines turn into full moans.

 

When Frank was close, Gerard stopped, satisfied and laid back on the bed, giving Frank a nod. “Okay, okay.” Frank muttered and leaned forward, placing a hand on Gerard’s thigh to open his legs, using his other hand to guide his dick. Gerard let out a low moan as Frank entered him. Frank leaned down to kiss him as they started to move together.

 

They moved slowly but passionately together. Frank wanted to _show him_ how much he meant to him. He wanted to show Gerard how much he _loved_ him. But it felt so fucking _good_ , like it always did, to feel Gerard moving around him.

 

They started to move faster, making them both moan. Gerard yelled out “fuck, fuck!” and clutched at Frank. Frank leaned back suddenly, trying to get a better angle and grabbed onto Gerard’s hips, slamming hard into him, causing them both to yell out together. They started up the rhythm again, rocking together and Frank wrapped his hand around Gerard’s dick, starting to stroke him. Gerard let out a deep moan with a “fuck, frank!” Frank thrust into him over and over again, moving quicker and quicker as they both got closer to the edge.

 

“Fuck, Gee, I’m gonna come.” Frank moaned out roughly and started thrusting harder against him as he stroked Gerard faster. Gerard’s body shook all over as he came, with Frank coming soon after him. Frank started moving slowly, bringing himself down before slowly pulling himself out, wincing from the feel of his sensitive skin.

 

He collapsed forward on the bed next to Gerard. It was silence for a few moments, the only sound was them breathing heavily and trying to catch their breath. Gerard rolled onto his side to face Frank. “I love you, Frank Iero. I love you so fucking much.”

 

Frank’s mouth twisted up into a grin. “I love you too, Gerard Way.” And leaned forward to place a kiss on his lips. Gerard grinned back with that lopsided grin and Frank’s heart almost stopped. He made a mental note to never let that feeling fade.

 

\-------

 

_Five Months Later_

 

“Do we have to go? I fucking hate fireworks.” Frank grumbled from the living room. It was Fourth of July, which was a holiday that Frank just really wasn’t fond of. Having to go sit out in the fucking dark and watch bright colors in the sky while they loudly popped at you? _No fucking thank you_. But Gerard had planned this whole fucking thing with Pete and Mikey and somehow Frank was being forced to go this year.

 

“Yes, we have to go.” Gerard said, walking out from the kitchen with a six pack of beer. “See? I even brought stuff for you. Greatest fucking boyfriend ever.” He grinned and handed the six pack to Frank before grabbing a large bag off of the couch that he had filled with a whole shitload of things he had called “fourth of july essentials”.

 

“You got that right, babe.” Frank said with a grin, pulling the large bag out of Gerard’s hands, ignoring his protests. “Mikey and Pete are waiting for us.”

 

He walked out the door with Gerard following him, grumbling under his breath as he locked the door about how he is “perfectly capable of carrying a damn bag”. It was real fucking cute and Frank couldn’t help but grin to himself as he headed towards the outside of the building with Gerard close behind. Mikey and Pete were waiting in Mikey’s new car outside on the street.

 

“What’s up, fuckers?!” Pete, of course, screamed out of the front seat when he saw Gerard and Frank come out of the building. Followed by Mikey yelling at him and a curtly “sorry, hun” from Pete.

 

A half hour drive later and they were in the supposedly _amazing_ place that Gerard had found for firework watching. It just looked like the fucking woods, Frank had no clue how they were going to watch any fireworks with all those goddamn trees in the way. But before Frank could even argue, Gerard was leading them down a path through the tress. Five minutes of walking through a creepy fucking forest, and there was an opening to a large field with a big hill.

 

“You can see _everything_ from that hill.” Gerard said proudly before leading them all up there. When they finally got to the top, Frank could definitely see what he was talking about. It was fucking beautiful. The sun was setting and from up there you could see all the different colors across the sky, it looked like a fucking painting.

 

“It’s beautiful.” Mikey said, standing a few feet in front of Gerard and Frank as they started laying down a large blanket on the grass.

 

Suddenly Pete was bounding past them and tackling Mikey, making them both roll down the hill. They disappeared a few feet in front of Frank and Gerard and all you could hear were the distant sounds of Mikey cursing at Pete at the bottom of the hill. Followed by barely audible giggles from Pete. They stayed down there for a long time after that, but Frank didn’t even want to think about what they were doing.

 

“It really is beautiful, Gee.” Frank said as he sat down on the blanket next to him.

 

“I told you it’d be worth it, Frankie.” Gerard grinned at him and leaned over to place a quick kiss on his lips.

 

They sat out there, just talking for a long time until it got dark outside. Then the fireworks started and they laid down on the blanket together, Frank wrapped his arms around him as Gerard rested his head on his chest. Frank couldn’t deny that the fireworks were actually pretty cool, but he also couldn’t deny that probably had to do with the fact that he was seeing them with Gerard.

 

Right as the fireworks came to the finale, he pulled Gerard even tighter. That was when he realized that he could never be happier and more content than he was in that very moment. He squeezed Gerard tight and kissed the top of his head.

 

“I love you, Gee.”

 

“I always knew you did, Frankie.”


End file.
